i'm just so conflicted. cause i know life is good. but this depression. this sad sulky feeling always comes back to me. i tell myself it's like happiness. happiness will always come back. in the same way, this sad unsettling feeling will also come back. but it is never forever. it still feels awful. i feel like i have to always distract myself so i don't feel it. it's this feeling of dread. i thought i would be happier by now and i am but here i am still.
late night thoughts. i don't think i've ever truly loved him i can't shake this thought that he is just using me when he doesn't text me i get anxious and i hate that a day never goes by without him reaching out to me. i think i have attachment issues for real i test him in a way by keeping score he's always the first to reach out, that makes the anxiety disappear in person he's always kind and sweet i miss him when we're apart and i feel him get jealous when i'm paying other guys attention something is going on but i keep pretending it's not i keep telling myself i can't love someone if i can't accept all of them
Dudu*