time after time
part #59
i recollected myself, and walked over, and slipped into a seat in the back. the priest was saying his final words as the casket was being lowered into the ground, and i had to look away. after everyone got up and were making small talk with each other. i didn't really fit in with the family,so i just sat there, staring at the men covering the hole with dirt. i heard someone come sit next to me, and i looked over and cordin was sitting there. i had a tear in my eye, and just as it slid, his slid off his face, and i wiped it with my finger.
"god this sucks." he said.
"this really sucks." i said, and he looked at me.
"you just said 'sucks.' you might as well smoke." i stopped and looked at him gravely.
"kidding." he smiled. i looked back at the men.
"bad joke." he commented.
"not that funny." i said.
"sorry." he said, and looked again.
"i can't watch this. ray that's my mom. and they're burying her, into the ground."
"that's just your mom's body. that's not your mom. she's out there, somewhere looking out for you."
"i really hope so." he said. "hey wanna go shoot?" he looked down at my cast, and his eyes were full of regret.
"more than anything." i said, and i stood up and so did he, and we walked out of the place of sorrow. cordin wanted to drive me home because 1. he drove with his dad, so he didn't have a car. and 2. he didn't think i could drive with my cast which 3. i already did. we didn't need to talk, we just let the silence comfort us because we didn't know what else to say. we passed my old high school, which i pointed out to cordin. i remembered the first day of school there, just as i did with the other 32 billion. this one was different though. i had rob with me this time, and we walked into school on the first day, not holding hands to start any bad rumors about the new kids. these girls were staring at him as soon as he walked in, which made me laugh. i remember him walking me to my locker, when the girls lacrosse coach came up to me and started talking about the season and workouts. after she left, the bell rang, so rob kissed me goodbye, and i had never been stared at by every single person in a hallway as i did that day. after school that day i met him by his car with all his new friends, me of course not making any because i'm the quiet new girl, and a few of them were hitting on me. rob just laughed, in his orange university of virginia tshirt, his blue eyes shining, his hair flipped on his head, and his white teeth twinkled in the sun. And i swear i fell a little more in love with the kid. i was snapped back to reality when we got back to our houses, and of course at my house, no one was home. cordin went to his house to change, and i went to mine. after climbing into my dark blue shorts and white u of v tshirt, i grabbed my stick and walked outside. i could almost shoot, it'll be okay. i figured, and cordin was sitting on my step playing with the strings on his head. his hair was all disshevelled, which made me laugh, and we walked to his car, and he drove us to the school. no one was on the top field, so he grabbed the balls and we walked up to the top. He was practicing on the wall, while i just sat there figuring out a way to make this possible. I just sat there and cradled my stick remembering the christmas i had gotten it from my parents. it was just last year, rob's last christmas, but he and his family were up in the poconos, so my family and i were opening up our presents. I was sort of depressed because rob wasn't with me, but i knew he was having a blast snowboarding, so i just watched jason and kara's faces light up over their presents. i had gotten a new iphone for christmas, so i wasn't really expecting anything else. we were pretty much snowed in,and the skies were darkening.
"hey ray, can you do me a favor and go turn on the lights outside?" my mom asked me.
"sure." i said,and i lazily got up and walked to the front door. i saw headlights pull into the neighboorhood, but i ducked to the side to turn on the icicle lights we had hanging from the overhang to the front of our house. all of a sudden i heard a "hey!" and i knew i was home. i looked up to see rob outside his car holding a lacrosse stick in his hand with snow blowing all around him.
"rob!" i shouted and lept barefoot in the snow and jumped into his arms. he braced my weight and dropped the stick, as i wrapped my cold feet around his waist and i looked up at him in the snow.
"what are you doing here?" i asked in shock.
"christmas is for spending time with the people who mean the most to you. i was missing just one person." he smiled as i buried my hands under his hood and he kissed me in the snow.
"oh, i almost forgot." he said, still holding onto me,and grabbing the stick.
"merry christmas!"
"you're the only present i could've asked for." i pecked him on the cheek as he carried me inside to greet the entire family.
"she found her gift." my mom said as she opened the keurig to put in a new container to make for rob. my feet were freezing so i went to dry them off as rob took off his coat and sat down.
"you knew he was coming?" i asked.
"of course. why would i ask you to turn on the lights at 11:30 in the morning?" my mom asked rhetorically.
"good one." i said, and i jumped into rob's arms. that day we did everything, made christmas cookies, he opened my gift for him, it was just a northface, but he loved it.
"i've wanted one for forever!" he smiled, and leaned in to kiss me. i took a shower and he just sat there and tried to play the piano. even when i got out he was still trying to play, and i just laughed.
"how are you so good at this?" he asked, clearly frustrated.
"i'm not sure. why are you so good at lacrosse?"
"it's a gift." he smiled at me, and wrapped me up in a huge hug, and i knew i had gotten everything i could ever ask for. the thunder of cordin's shot echoing off the post rocketed me back into reality, and i felt empty.
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