What do you do?
What do you do when the only guy you have ever trusted, ever loved, confuses the hell out of you? You guys share an amazing three months together. During those three months you realize that he is the one for you. He is the one you want to hold hands with. His arms are the only ones you want wrapped around you. You want his lips and only his lips pressed against yours. He is the one you want to walk down the aisle to. You want to know he's saying "forever and always" when you hear "I do". You would go wherever he goes because the thought of being apart from his is unbearable. He is the only person you can imagine your life with. He is the one that is the father of your child. He is sitting beside you in the rocking chair when you're hair is the color of salt and pepper. He tells you that he is going to get a ring for you and get down on one knee one day, and you believe him. Then out of no where, he breaks up with you. He tells you that it's not you, it's him. He doesn't know what he wants to do in his life anymore. He doesn't know if he wants to re-enlist in the Army or find a better job around town. He doesn't know if he wants to stay in the same state or go back to the state where his family is. He doesn't even know what he wants in his relationship with you. He walks away but tells you he still wants to be friends. You lay in bed crying your heart out because of what just happened. You gave him everything you had, and it just seems like it's nothing to him. You cry for two days, trying to accept the fact that it's over. You see him on the third day, not because you're ready to see him and you're all better, but because you have to see him. Not sure why, just a gut feeling. And when you do see him, it's like everything changed but is still the same. You try to not cry in front of him, but he can see in your eyes you're trying way too hard. He hugs you and you lose all control of yourself. He listens to you explain what you're going through, like he doesn't know. And then, he leans in to kiss you, but you turn away. Not because you didn't want him to kiss you, but because you can't handle it. Is he kissing you just because or is he kissing you because he wants to get back together and he realized he made a mistake? I later found out that it was the 2nd option when he told me he was mad that I wouldn't let him kiss him. "Everything we're doing, it just feels right and I've realized I've made a mistake" he says. You get back together. But things changed. You're not getting married as soon as you thought you were. You're not going to be married by May so he can take you wherever the Army takes him. You are going to stay here and see where things take you, go with the flow sort of deal. Just as soon as you accept that your original plans are gone forever and you start accepting the new ones, he has to say something. "We're not married, so we cant do anything." I say sarcastically. "Not yet." He says. Two words. That's all it took for me to be confused again. Two words was all it took for me to want the original plans we made, not the new ones. Two words is the reason I'm crying now because I can't handle this confusion. Either you want to marry me before basic so you can take me wherever you go because you can't bear the thought of living without me, or you just want to take it day by day.
What do you do?
vicki_andy2118