Suicide
By: summerjase
[This is the last chapter]
"Taylor! You cut yourself!?" my history teacher exclaims. I slowly scan her hand. There was a small pen mark. No scars. No cuts. No traces of self-harm. "No!! -giggles- Marcus drew on me!" Taylor exclaims. They both share a laugh. Inside, I couldn't laugh. It was impossible. To listen to people talk about self-harm. I just couldn't do it. We walk into the classroom. It seemed like it took forever to live through that class. I made it though. Emmett and I sit down at the lunch table. Esme, Taylor, Marcus, Carson, and Ashley joins us. "You cut yourself!!" Marcus says. "Shhh!" Taylor hushes him. "I do not! You drew on me," Taylor chuckles. "Self-harm isn't that funny..." I say. "Oh sure it is!" Taylor yells at me. "It's okay Kate..." Emmett says into my hair. "Suicide..." I mumble into his shirt. There was a long silence. "Regret." I say. There was another long silence. "I don't know why I'm living," I squeak out. Later that day. I end up going home sick. Not illness sick, but depressioni sick. Right after lunch I found myself in the nurse's office and Eleazer getting ready to pick me up. I lay in the back seat of the car. I begin to play around with a pen from my backpack. I swiftly break the cap to create a sharp edge. I run it across my skin. It began to bleed. "Self-harm..." I mutter to myself. I finally get home. Was I ready to end my life? Yes.
~Later that day~
I stand on the edge of the cliff. I stare down into the icy black water. I sit down on the ground and pull out my notebook. I begin to write.
Eleazer & Bella,
I love you both so much. But at this point in time, I can't find any reason to live. Not one. I don't deserve to live on this earth. Carmen [mother] committed suicide because of me. But don't worry. You'll always remain in my heart. And I hope you do the same. I love you both, but it's my time to go. And I know what your thinking. I'm just another stupid suicidal 18-year-old teenager. I don't care what you think of me anymore. I'll miss you both, but it's time for me to go. Please don't be mad. You'll always remain in my heart. Goodbye.
~Katrina
I rip the piece of paper out and lay it on the ground. Once again, I stare into the icy black water. I plunge myself in. The icy wind blows up my spine and causes a chill. "Goodbye," I murmur. A tear streams down my face. I open my eyes in the water. I make no attempt to get back on the surface. The colours begin to blend together.
I was gone.
summerjase