Witty Profiles

secretstoryteller

1. secretstoryteller
   posted a quote
   September 24, 2011 4:57pm UTC
   Hidden Behind the SmileNote From the Author; The TruthHey everybody it's Grace. I hope everybody liked the story, I loved writing it. Now, if you read my layout scrolls( highly doubt anybody did, so i'll restate it here), you'll know that the story was based on my experiences in life. So, in this note, I'm going to explain the connection from the story and my life. I'll go by chapter and reveal the truths of each chapter. Anything I don't write about, was fake, so I may leave out some chapters.But before we start, I think I should tell you who I really am. My name isn't really Grace, it's Michelle. My best friend's name isn't Scott, it's Dan. Now that you know the truth, I'll start. Chapter 1; I was going out with a guy and at the beginning of July I just got out of a relationship with him, so Palmer represents him in my life. Louis represents my best friend Dan, I don't like him now, but when I wrote the story, I guess what I said was true. When I said my dad died, he didn't actually die in my life. Gina's dad died around when two close uncles died in my life. My dad is alive, but that was what I used to represent their deaths. I only have one brother and one sister, not two of each. My parents work a lot, but not as much as Gina's mom did. Chapter 3-5; Albie is Dan's friend in real life. I'm friends with him, but not that close. Lauren, Hope, and Stephanie are my friends. Cory is my friend Zach, he's the nicest guy, but he's a pig. He cares a lot about a girls body, but when I went out with him about two years ago, he wasn't like that. His friends changed, so he changed. I know he's still the same nice guy that I went out with, but he hides it now. Dan and Zach never did get into a fight on the beach, and Zach never broke my hand, but I needed to add some spice to the story.Also, I never really went out with Dan. It was just another thing to add to the story.Chapter 13;The death of Louis represented the death of my uncle. He died in March from Liver Cancer. Anything that I said Gina was feeling , I was feeling when I found out my uncle died. My uncle was very close to me, like a second dad. So when I lost him, it was heartbreaking. I wasn't myself for a while. Around friends and people in school I had a fake smile and laugh, but around Dan and my family, they knew how much I missed him. Dan's two younger sisters, Lauren and Emily, are represented by Kayla and Parker. If that were ever to happen to Dan, I'd like to hope that I'd be there for Lauren and Emily like Gina was with Kayla and Parker. I'd like to imagine that if that were to happen, god forbid, I could go to his mom and we could talk like they did. Chapter 14-17;Louis' wakes represent how I felt during my uncle's wakes. Chapter 19;I did take my uncles death really hard. The only person that knew about this was Dan, but I cut once or twice. I never went to the extremes that Gina did, but I tried it. It scared me when I did, and Dan was there for me and told me to stop. He made sure I wouldn't do it again, and I haven't. When Louis died, Gina didn't have a best friend, so I needed to come up with a person that could take the place of Dan in the story. Albie represented Dan now.Chapter 22;I never went to therapy because of cutting or anything like that. I stopped on my own.Chapter 27;Dan and I had the same fight that Albie and Gina did in the story. Chapter 31;No, I'm not going out with Dan. It was my way of writing about how I want to go out with this guy, but I am not going out with him. Now that you know the truth, I hope you enjoyed the story. Maybe I'll write some more, but for now, Bye guys(:
   
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2. secretstoryteller
   posted a quote
   September 24, 2011 11:58am UTC
   Hidden Behind the SmileChapter 31;The End.Today's Saturday, and me and Albie are hanging out because we haven't seen eachother in a few weeks. I showered, got ready, and went into the living room. I had a bunch of movies picked out, because it was raining, and there was nothing else to do. Albie came over around 1:00, and we ordered Domino's and put on Billy Madison. I layed next to him on the couch and we watched movie after movie, in silence, except for the laughing at the movies. We talked after the Hangover ended and then I got a text from Tyler. "hey can i talk to u abt something?""suurree whatsup?""i wanted to talk too you about thaat kiss..."My heart dropped, and I looked at Albie. I showed him the text, and he didn't really know who he was. I explained to him the sweet sixteen and the kiss and all that. He looked kind of shocked, but we waited for him to answer anxiously."welll... idk ive been thinkking about it.. and maybee we can... well... can you call me?""ohh uhh suurre holdonn"I called him, my heart pounding, and Albie sitting next to me, pressing his ear to the other side of my phone. He picked up right away and said "Uh hi.. so uh.. i've been thinking about the kiss...""Yeaah... what about it?""Uhm... well... i really liked it.. and I was wondering... if you maybe wanted to.. go out with me?"Albie's eyes widened and stared at me. I stared back and I was confused. 'Do I say yes, do I say no? What about Louis.. would he want me to move on? Would he be insulted?'"Uh...uh... yeah," I said giggling. He sounded releaved, "Alright cool," you could hear the smile in his voice. "So wanna do something tonight?""Well... Albie's over right now.. so I'll see. I'll text you though, because I feel bad with Albie just sitting here.""Oh, okay. Bye.""Bye" Albie looked at me, "He can come over if you want.""Nah, its okay. I can hang out with him another day, I had plans with you first.""Okay," he said smiling. We had a nice night, we caught up and watched some more movies. I was starting to think, maybe I didn't want to be going out with Tyler, maybe I wanted to be going out with Albie. The last movie of the night we watched was "The Notebook." I looked up at him with teary eyes and he kissed me. He kissed me? Wait. I pulled away and looked at him confused. "Sorry... ever since Louis has been gone, I've been wanting to do that. I hate seeing you cry. Don't ever cry, your eyes are too beautiful. Break up with Tyler, you barely know him. Go out with me, Louis would love it if we were together. Please, I think I'm in love with you."I looked at him speechless, and just kissed him. We kissed passionatly and when we pulled away, we looked at eachother."I'll break up with Tyler. I think I'm in love with you,too."I called Tyler, and broke the news to him. It was hard, but I knew in my heart that Albie was better for me.
   
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3. secretstoryteller
   posted a quote
   September 21, 2011 6:51pm UTC
   LIFE'S TOO SHORT TO BE SITTIN' ROUND MISERABLEPeople gunna talk weather you're doing bad or good
   
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4. secretstoryteller
   posted a quote
   September 14, 2011 8:45pm UTC
   Hidden Behind the SmileChapter 30; September 14th,2011I've been really busy with school lately. Today was only the sixth day of school and I've already had two quizes, a lab, beginning a research paper, and a few upcoming quizes and tests. I'm always tired now, I wake up around 5:45, get ready and get to the bus stop by 6:50. I go through all the daily routines, and then I'm home around 2:30. By the time I get all of my homework done, its around 5:30 if I start around 3:00. Then I practice my cello, try and read a little, shower, get ready for the next day, study, and eat dinner, not in that order. By the time I'm done with all of my responsibilities at home and the school day, I'm exausted. I try to just relax while video chatting with Albie and writing. I then stay up talking to Albie until 11:00-ish, and then do everything all over again. I can tell already that this is going to be a long year. Albie and I are like a roller coaster right now. First we're really close, then something stupid happens and we're dealing with figuring stuff out. We've had to adjust because of the different schools, which is hard because Albie wants to see his other friends, and me, too. We're still getting used to the whole fact that we're in different schools and we both have different things going on in our lives. When we were in middle school, we had the same work, the same projects, and basically the same responsibilities. Now that he's in a different school, he takes different courses than me, does different clubs, and start and end school at a different time than me. I think right now, we're both focusing on school and keeping our friendship the same, even if we don't go to the same school. Saturday Hope is having a birthday party, and a bunch of people are going. Albie will be there, so I'm excited that we'll see eachother Saturday. This week is actually flying by, I don't know why, and I'm not asking questions. I just want to get to the weekend, where I can sleep and be with my friends and just relax, even if it's only for two days. I have nothing really going on right now except for school, and I'm exausted, so I went to bed at 9:15 and finally got a solid night of sleep. Waking up the next morning wasn't easy, since I was in a deeper sleep since I went to bed earlier. I practically fell out of bed, burnt my hand on my straightener, and missed my bus. 'Perfect, this day's going to be amazing...' My mom dropped me off at school and I walked into first period late because of the bus traffic in the parking lot. My italian teacher yelled at me, blah blah blah, the usual 'You have to be here on time, Signorina Gina.' I just rolled my eyes and sat in my seat. I zoned out practically the whole class, until she would call on me and bring me back to reality. In class when I zone out, I think of Louis. His face just pops into my head, and it's hard not to cry. At home, since I'm so busy now, I don't think about him as much. I almost feel guilty not thinking about him all the time. I guess it's just apart of moving on and continuing to live, but there's an attachment to him that I don't want to break.
   TYPE IN HERE....
   
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5. secretstoryteller
   posted a quote
   September 10, 2011 11:40pm UTC
   Hidden Behind the SmileChapter 29; September 10th,2011I woke up the next morning around 10:30, I went to get my nails done around 11:30, and then I went right to the first football game of the season. They were crushing the other team, so we left at half time. Albie was sitting behind me with his friends, and they went to go play football when we left. I saw this girl that he's friends with, Julianna. Julianna is who invited him somewhere else last night, and they walked under the bleachers and I saw her run toward them. That bothers me, but I can't tell him not to hang out with her. I'm sure that after the game they hung out, and I didn't really care, because I went to Anna's house with Avery, Stephanie, Hope, Lauren, Kayla, and Taylor. We got pizza and talked about everything, because we don't see a lot of eachother during school anymore. It was a fun day and night, I went home and decided to write for therapy, which is now slowing down because of school. I wrote a lot about Louis tonight, which made me cry a lot. I haven't cried as often as I used to though, so that's good. I haven't thought about cutting lately, either. I guess now I'm dealing with all of my feelings and I'm realizing that it's apart of life, which is helping me. I wrote the rest of the night, and I fell asleep with a pen in my hand and my notebook close to me. When I woke up, the last thing on my paper was, "I took the knife to my wrist... and the pain was incredible. I was scared of myself..."That is so true, after I cut myself, I was so scared of myself, but it took away so much pain from Louis, so I continued. No matter who told me to stop, I wouldn't, until Louis came to me in my dream. *sorry, couldn't really think of much more... i'll write soon when i have more ideas...*
   
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6. secretstoryteller
   posted a quote
   September 10, 2011 10:53pm UTC
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7. secretstoryteller
   posted a quote
   August 23, 2011 11:33pm UTC
   Hidden Behind the SmileChapter 26; August 27th, 2011 This morning I woke up early because I needed to help pack the car up. We were leaving for the Jersey house early so we still had atleast half a day in Jersey and then Sunday and part of Monday. We left around 9 and began our drive. There wasn't a ton of traffic, but there was enough. We got to the house at 12:45 and when we first got there, we just looked around the house and figured out seating arrangements. My cousins were already there and we just hung around the house for a few hours. Around 4, my cousin Sheila, Peggy, my mom and I went to a local store to find food to make for dinner. We ended up getting sausage, peppers, hot dogs, hamburgers, cheese, buns, and french fries for dinner. We also got fruit to make a fruit salad with for desert. We got back to the house and Peggy's husband, Tony, started to put the food on the grill. We put the french fries into the oven and I started making the fruit salad. I put watermelon, strawberries, cantelope, kiwi, and pineapple into a bowl. When I was done cutting everything up, I put it into the fridge so it would stay cold. We ate dinner outside on the patio and finished with everything around 7. Our house was right across the street from the beach, so we walked down to the beach and watched the sunset. This house is so relaxing, I can just think and write in peace. Everybody went back to the house around 8, but I stayed and wrote on the beach for a little. It eventually got too dark to see what I was writing, so I walked to the house and watched some t.v. and fell asleep before midnight. The next day my plans were to go to the beach most of the day and go to the boardwalk at night. *sorry its so short :X i'm falling asleep at my keyboard..no creativity running right now...*
   
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8. secretstoryteller
   posted a quote
   August 23, 2011 11:11pm UTC
   Hidden Behind the Smile Chapter 25; August 26th,2011Today I have high school orientation, so I had to wake up at 8:30. I got ready and got dropped off at my new school. I walked in and found Lauren and Hope. We sat in the auditorium for about 45 minutes and listened to the principal and dean and anybody important talk to us. After that, we got our schedules and lockers. Then we broke up into groups with an upperclassman guide, and we went around the school and found our classes and lockers. After we went to the lunchroom and they gave us lunch, but nobody ate it. We took this time to socialize and talk to people that we haven't seen in two months. After orientation was over, I went over Tyler's house again. We talked and got to know eachother more and more, and I realized I'm starting to fall for him. He was so cute, he was about 6'3", tanned skin, chestnut colored hair, and green eyes that shot right through you. He was muscular and his smile was perfect. He was really sweet, too. He played lacrosse in the spring and football in the fall, but he wasn't cocky like other guys. I liked him, and I was beginning to trust him more and more. He was talking to me, but I got lost in his eyes. I snapped out of it, he was still talking. I just kissed him. That deffinitly shut him up. The kiss wasn't anything like the kisses with Louis, but it was nice. He smiled and pulled away, "Wow, wasn't expecting that.""Sorry... it felt right...""No, don't apologize, it was nice."I laughed and looked away because I was blushing. I stayed with Tyler for a little while longer and went home. I ate dinner, showered, and wrote for the night again. I had just wrote the chapter when Louis is at my house watching fireworks, the night of his murder. It was realy emotional writing about this part, because this was the last time I was with him. I began to write about the morning being told about Louis' death, the emotional wakeup, the running to his house, the crying in his moms arms. I was histerical while writing this chapter, but I guess it's good so I don't hurt myself, I let out all of my feelings in writing. I was going to begin writing about the first wake, but I couldn't bring myself to start it. I'll do it in the car tomorrow morning on my way to New Jersey. I'm going to the Jersey Shore for the weekend, my family and my cousins rented a house for the weekend. I'm excited, but long car drives with 5 kids in the car isn't fun. Hopefully I can just put in my headphones, and write. No distractions, just music and writing. I'm thinking of putting my story online somewhere, or maybe even looking to get it published if its as good as anybody that reads it says. For now, I'm just going to write in my purple notebook and go to therapy.
   
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9. secretstoryteller
   posted a quote
   August 22, 2011 11:49pm UTC
   Hidden Behind the Smile Chapter 24; August 25th,2011Last night was fun, I talked to Tyler for a while. I think we texted until around 3, and I fell asleep on him. I texted him when I woke up because I felt bad about falling asleep. "Sorry i fell asleep lastnight ;/""Ittss all gooddd :) ""hehheh :) soo whatsupp?""nmm cuute ;) wbu?""awwe stop ;) notthing texting somee random guy that i met last night ;D""oh this guy sounds hot and amazing.. i hearrd at the party i was at that he likes you ;)"I didn't answer for a while, I freaked out. I haven't even thought of anybody else since Louis died. I know I'm not ready to have a boyfriend again, and I didn't think anything would happen this fast. I finally answered him, "oohh realllyy? ;)" I have to tell him about Louis, he won't understand unless I tell him. "yeeaahh ;) i thhink he wants to hang out with you today too ;)""i thinkk imm freeee ;)""so come over today! :D""okaayy! ;D"I was nervous about going to his house. I don't want anything to happen that I'm not comfortable with yet. I showered and got ready and Jimmy dropped me off at his house. His house was nice and I awkwardly stood at the step waiting for him to answer. He came to the door and hugged me. He lead me to the basement and we just talked more and got to know eachother more. Finally, he asked about past boyfriends. I told him about Louis, and I started crying. He pulled me into a hug and I smiled. He said hes sorry and all the stuff that I've been getting for a month now. We continued to talk and we had a fun time. He was sweet, but he wasn't too pushy about kissing or anything. He hugged me a lot and respected that I wasn't ready for another boyfriend. I left around 3:30 and went to therapy. I brought my stories and told her that it was helping a lot. She was amazed about how detailed and creative with it I was. She said they were good and to continue writing. We talked more about Louis and cutting and such, and I left. I went home, ate dinner, and wrote. I wrote a lot of chapters, cried while writing some. I couldn't stop writing, my hand just kept going. I wrote for hours, and finally fell asleep. I'm finally getting to a better place, but I feel guilty forgetting about Louis.
   
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10. secretstoryteller
    posted a quote
    August 20, 2011 12:30am UTC
    Hidden Behind the Smile Chapter 23; August 24th,2011Tonight, I have a Sweet Sixteen for my childhood friend. I'm excited, because it's the first time I am going to a party and having fun since Louis' death. All of my friends from when I was younger are going to be there, and I haven't seen them in a while. It starts at 8 and I started getting ready around 4, because I'm going to their house before, for pictures and such. I curled my hair and did my makeup. I put on my dress, it was mandatory to dress in black. My dress is a bandage like black dress, with a sweetheart neckline and the neckline is jewled. I put on silver heels and looked in the mirror. I put on my oh so fake smile and hoped that tonight, it wouldn't have to be fake. Jimmy dropped me off at my friends, Racheal's, house. I walked in and she looked beautiful! She had on a red dress and her hair was down in loose curls. My best friend that I've known since I was born, Rebecca, is Racheal's sister. Rebecca was wearing a white dress with scattered jewels throughout. Her hair was in a side curled ponytail. Some of Racheal's other friends came, along with her boyfriend, and we took pictures. Watching Racheal and her boyfriend together, reminds me of how me and Louis used to be. I went inside because I couldn't watch them together. Rebecca came in and asked what was wrong. I said nothing, and I could tell she didn't believe it, but she let it go. We stayed inside and talked for a little and we left for the venue around 6, because there were more pictures to be taken there. We got there around 6:45 and checked out the venue. It looked amazing, and then we began taking pictures again. Soon enough everybody was arriving and the dance floor was packed. Everybody was dancing and having a great time, and I realized, I was having fun! I was laughing and having a good time. My smile was genuine, and this guy was dancing with me. He was cute, and we were having a good time. Then a sudden jolt of guilt hit me. 'Louis just died a month ago, and your already meeting new guys?How can I do that to him?'I asked myself. I went to the bathroom with Rebecca and asked her what I should do. She started saying that I shouldn't feel guilty, because Louis would want me to be happy. I took that into consideration, and I went back to the guy and danced. By the end of the night I found out his name is Tyler and he's going to be a junior this year. We exchanged numbers and I was happy. He said he would text me and we could get to know eachother more. Now the issue is, do I tell him all about Louis and my cutting...
    
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11. secretstoryteller
    posted a quote
    August 19, 2011 4:13pm UTC
    Hidden Behind the Smile Chapter 22; August 23rd,2011Today, I woke up around 11. Albie was leaving for a cruise to the Carribean today, so I was going over early to say goodbye to him. I showered and got ready, and walked over to Albie's. We hung out for a little while, and then he had to get ready to leave. I hugged him, "Have a good time!""Thanks! Don't do anything... stupid... while I'm gone," He said hugging back. "I know.. I know. Don't worry about me, just have fun, I'll be okay.""Okay, good luck in your first session of therapy today."Ugh, I forgot about that. "Thanks, I better get going, therapy starts at 1:30," I said looking at my phone. "Okay, hopefully I'll get wifi on the ship sometime so I can go on facebook and talk to you! A whole week without talking to you, what am I going to do!?""Hey, atleast your having fun on a ship... I'm going to be sitting in therapy half the time...""I know, but just think of Louis. He'd want you to do it.""I know, I know, alright I'll see you when you get back," I said hugging him again. "See ya."I walked home and got ready to go to therapy. 'Ugh, I really don't want to do this anymore...' I thought to myself.Jimmy and I drove to the psycologist and we went right in. I told her about Louis' death and the problems in my family, and them she asked what my main way of coping with all of it was. I showed her my cuts, and she asked me why I did that to myself. "It distracts me, from everything else going on in my life. The hurt from the cuts make me focus on them instead of Louis and my dad and my family.""I see, but do you really think any of those people would want you doing that to yourself?"I hesitated, "Well...no...""There are other sorts of distractions, you know. Name something creative that your good at, or you enjoy doing.""Well, I enjoy writing... and all of my english teachers say I'm a well writer.""Okay, good. So why don't you start writing a blog, or a story about your life?""What if people in my school find it?""Use different names, change your name and Louis' name and anybody elses names.""Hmm.. I guess I can give it a try.""Good, well we're already out of time. So I'll see you on Thursday.""Okay, thank you for the help.""No problem, it's my job. I want you to start writing and bring it into me on Thursday. We can discuss it and if it helps, you can continue.""Okay, I'll start when I get home.""Okay, see you Thursday."Jimmy and I left the therapist and went for pizza."So, what'd you think of what she said to you?" Jimmy asked me."I think its a good idea, I'll start writing when I get home. I'm going to put it in a notebook first, and if I think it's good enough I'll put it on a website or blog or something.""Okay, good. I'm glad you came to me and asked for help.""Yeah, me too." We talked about other stuff for the rest of the time, and went home. Once we got home, I took an old school notebook that I barely used, and started writing. I didn't give my story a name yet, but I came up with new names for everybody.In the story, my names Michelle. Louis' name is Dan. Kayla's name is Lauren and Parker's name is Emily. Albie's name is Anthony, and Jimmy's name is Patrick. Thats as far as I got, as far as fake names. Writing about all of it, helps me though. I guess my therapist was right, this is a good distraction.
    
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12. secretstoryteller
    posted a quote
    August 16, 2011 12:52am UTC
    Hidden Behind the Smile Chapter 21; August 22nd,2011The next morning I woke up still confused from last nights dream. I went in the shower and looked at my scars, 'I need help..' I thought to myself. I went downstairs and talked to Jimmy. I told him everything and he agreed to come with me to a psycologist. Telling my mom at dinner was the tougher part. She cried, couldn't believe that I would do that, and that made matters worse. I felt like I had let her down, and that was the worst feeling in the world. My mom made an appointment at a psycologist for next week, and I gave her all of my razors from my bathroom. I felt better about myself already. I went to Louis' grave after all of it was done and I sat by him. "Are you happy now? I'm going to stop. I know you wouldn't want me to do that, and I'm taking control of it. I love you." I left a flower on his tombstone and left because Jimmy was waiting for me in the car. *sorry its such a short chapter! i'm exausted and my creativeness isnt flowing right now... -__- hopefully ill be able to write more tomorrow!*
    
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13. secretstoryteller
    posted a quote
    August 15, 2011 12:18am UTC
    Hidden Behind the Smile Chapter 20; August 21st,2011 I got to the Agia's house before Albie did. I was playing barbies with Parker when he came in. After a little while of Albie, Parker, Kayla and I talking, Leah called us in for dinner. We were sitting around the table when Leahs started talking, "Alright, I know you're all probably wondering why your here. Its been a month since Louis is gone, and we're all grieving and remembering him. I had known this before Louis left us, but wanted to make sure it was true before I said anything." She hesitated before speaking again, "I'm pregnant," she said with a smile. We all shrieked with joy! Finally, after the hardtimes we had through the past month, happiness. A reason to celebrate, and to be happy. We finished dinner cheerfully and buzzed about when Leah was due and such. Albie and I hung around after dinner, and we played games as a family. Even though I'm not related to any of these people, I feel as if I am. I feel as if, Louis dieing, brought us together. Chris is a father figure to me now, and I can go to Leah with any problem I have. Albie and I had always been close, but now we're closer then ever. He's the only one that knows about my cutting. He tries to stop me from doing it, he says Louis wouldn't want me to do that to myself, but I can't stop now. Kayla, Parker, and I are closer now too. Parker always says she looks up to me, and Kayla says I'm her older sister she never had. I like being close to them, it gives me a sense of being with Louis. Louis and Kayla are so alike, and that almost, comforts me. It was getting late, so Albie walked me home and I went to my bathroom and threw up my dinner. I sat in my bathroom and cut my hip. I cut there instead of my wrists so nobody ever sees the cuts. The pain from cutting is excrutiating, but I continue to dig the blade deeper into my skin. I wash the blood off of my fresh wounds and put on pajamas. I put on 8 Mile and fell asleep. While I was asleep, I had a dream. Louis was in it, and he was trying to tell me something. I was at his house in the pool, and in the pool it was harder to hide my cuts. Louis noticed them and yelled at me. He told me to stop, or else I would really hurt myself. I refused to stop and he got madder and madder each time I said no. He told me I better stop or I would end up like he is. That didn't make me want to stop, that motivated me to keep doing it so I would be with him again. He ran to my house and took any razor from my bathroom he could find and threw it into a fire, spontaneuously in the middle of the street. Then he yelled at me one last time and told me to stop, and he was gone. I woke up and my heart was pounding. 'Maybe I should stop cutting...' I thought to myself.
    
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14. secretstoryteller
    posted a quote
    August 13, 2011 11:04pm UTC
    Hidden Behind the Smile
    Chapter 18; July 25th,2011
    I woke up the next morning, and my whole body ached. I didn't get dressed the whole day, and barely ate. I was watching movies the whole day, cuddled in my covers in my bed the whole day. The pain was just unbearable. I had a carton of chocolate ice cream on my nightstand and the picture of us on my bed. I had his sweatshirt on and was laying with the pillow pet from him. I haven't taken off my necklace or ring, and I don't plan on it. I fell asleep halfway through the second movie, and woke up in a daze. It was around 6 at night and I had no appetite for dinner, so I stayed in bed and watched more movies. I think I dozed off around 11 and I didn't wake up until the next morning. I continued this same pattern for a week, until my mom said I have to move on, life doesn't just stop because he's gone. My thing is, I don't want to live my life without Louis here with me. Finally after a week, I did force myself to get up and do stuff, even if I didn't want to. I went to the cemetery a few times a week, and just sat and talked to Louis. If I wasn't at home or at the cemetery, I was at the Agia's with Parker and Kayla.
    Chapter 19; August 21st,2011
    Today, it is a month since Louis died. I've been taking it pretty hard, I'm not good with mourning. I haven't been eating a lot lately, I've lost about ten pounds. Also, when I do eat, I usually throw up after, because now my stomach can't handle too much food. I also cut now, because in my mind, I feel like it helps. I have something else to focus on besides the pain from losing Louis. In my family, there's also been a lot of tension. We don't speak to my aunt anymore, and my other aunt is very...difficult to handle. There's been a few fights, and that doesn't help the fact of being depressed because of Louis. That probably makes me cut even more, actually. I know I shouldn't cut, but I can't help it. It distracts me from every other bad thing going on in my life. The upside of this whole disaster is I'm now becoming closer to Albie and the Agia's. Sometimes Albie and I will go over there and just hang out with Kayla and Parker, play with them to distract them from the hurt that just happened in their lives, too. Leah and Chris are holding up, Leah has something important to tell us, so Albie and I are going over for dinner tonight, she said she wants us to here her news.
    
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15. secretstoryteller
    posted a quote
    August 13, 2011 10:08pm UTC
    Hidden Behind the Smile Chapter 17; July 24th,2011The preist began prayers and such for Louis. We went through a series of prayers and wishes and then it was really time to say goodbye. We had each gotten flowers to throw ontop of the casket before we left him. The friends went first, and the family stayed until last. It was the same type of order as in the funeral home. Albie went before me and threw his flower. He started to cry a little, but I could tell he was holding back. I went up, threw my flower, and blew him a kiss. I walked right to Albie and we both stood there crying in eachothers arms. Kayla and Parker were crying in eachothers arms, and Leah and Chris were doing the same. 'Wow, we're a mess...' I thought to myself in the midst of all of this. We piled into the limo again and headed to a resteraunt where everybody could go to after the cemetery. As we pulled away from the cemetery, tears started forming again. 'Its over...hes gone...' I said, looking down at my ring. I took a deep breath and pulled myself together. We got to the resteraunt and I sat with Albie and some of our friends. I walked through the venue with Albie to say hello to family and we sat and ate. After eating, more socializing was done, and then everybody went home. I hugged Chris, then Kayla, then Parker, then Albie, then Leah."Thanks so much for everything, Leah. I'll be sure to stop by the house once in a while. If you need any help with thank you's or with Kayla and Parker, let me know, and I'm there.""Thank you, Gina. I'll let you know if I need help. Oh, and Gina, just so you know, Louis really loved you. I know you probably heard it a lot in the past few days, but all he talked about was you, even before you were going out. So never doubt that he didn't love you, because he did. ""Thanks Leah, that means a lot to me. And thank you for the ring, I'll never take it off.""Good, I'm glad you like it.""Well I better get going, I'll see you soon," I said and hugged her goodbye again. I walked home and it was around 6:00. I put on sweats and a tank top and collapsed on my bed. I put on a movie and was out by 7:30.
    
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16. secretstoryteller
    posted a quote
    August 13, 2011 12:49am UTC
    Hidden Behind the Smile Chapter 16; July 24th,2011I woke up to my alarm blairing beeps into my ear at 7:00 this morning. I hit the snooze button and threw my covers over my head. Five minutes later, the alarm clock was beeping again. I turned it off and got up out of bed. I looked in the mirror and was horrified at the reflection staring back at me. My hair was going every direction possible, my mascara smeared down my face, my eyes puffy, and I was breaking out from all the stress. I went in the shower, blow dried my hair, and put my hair in a curled up-do. I put on a black dress and black heels and my ring and necklace. I put on even less makeup today then the past two days, because today, my makeup won't even make it to the cemetery. I walked to Louis' house and there was even more food then yesterday on the table. "Want a bagel?" Chris asked me."No thanks, I'm not too hungry lately...""I know, I understand."A black limo showed up in front of the house around 8:30. Leah, Chris, Kayla, Parker, and I piled into the limo. Another limo was picking up his grandparents and aunts and uncles. We got to the funeral home and Kayla and Parker took my hands again. I looked down at both of them and Parker said, "I don't want to say goodbye to him... I don't want him to leave."This made me start crying, I hugged her and tried to comfort her. After Leah and Chris went up, Kayla, Parker and I went up together, just as we did the first time we did this. The three of us were crying instantaneously. Then we realized, we still have the final goodbye, which made us cry even harder. We went by the seats and sat down so everybody else could go up. After the funeral director came in and did prayers, it was time for the Final Goodbyes. The friends that showed up went first, then the aunts and uncles, then the grandparents. I went up alone, and I couldn't control my tears. I just let all the tears pour out, I talked to him a little, and I kissed him softly before letting Kayla and Parker go up. I was histerical in Albies arms for ten minutes. He came in the limo with us, too. We had extra space and he was as good of a friend to Louis as I was. On the way through the funeral procession, Albie had the idea of sharing our favorite memory with Louis. Leah, of course, said the day she gave birth to him. Chris said when he first taught Louis how to ride a bike. He described how happy Louis was when he finally learned, and it made everybody happy. Kayla said her favorite memory was when Louis taught her how to play golf. She said he took her to a golf course and showed her how to swing, and where to position her hands. She started crying halfway through though, because she realized she can't golf with him anymore. Parker said her's was when he would throw her into the pool, and when he taught her to do a front flip off the diving board. Albie said it was when they went to lacrosse camp in Delaware a few years ago. My turn was last, I had a few favorite memories, but I picked the one when it was just me and Louis on the beach. How he walked me all the way down the beach so we could have the whole part to ourselves. I left out the details of the making out in the sand, in the cave, and on the wall, of course. Before we knew it, we were at the cemetery. We got out of the limo and walked to his gravesite. I took a deep breath as I saw the casket closed with so many flowers scattered on it. Albie was next to me, and he took my hand in a brotherly way. I took Kayla's hand, and she took Parkers. Together we stood, as ready as we would ever be, to bury our brother, best friend, and boyfriend.
    
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17. secretstoryteller
    posted a quote
    August 12, 2011 12:30am UTC
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18. secretstoryteller
    posted a quote
    August 11, 2011 11:47pm UTC
    Hidden Behind the Smile Chapter 14; July 22nd,2011Today is going to be torture. There is one wake at 3 and then another at 7. I woke up around 11 with puffy red eyes still from crying myself to sleep last night. I forced myself out of bed and into the shower. After I showered, I blow dried my hair and then touched up my hair with a straightener. I went downstairs and picked at a bagel. I barely ate it, but I had to eat some of it to satisfy my family. I trudged back up the stairs and into my room. I fell onto my bed and hugged my pillow pet Louis gave me. I tried not to cry, because there would be enough of that the next few days. I just layed in my bed limp for a while, a lot longer then I thought. It was 1:30 when I pulled myself out of bed once again and began to get ready. I fixed my hair a bit, put on little makeup, figuring any makeup that I put on would come off anyways, and got dressed. I put on a black skirt and a black and gray shirt. I put on black gladiators and the necklace Louis gave me for my last birthday with him. I went to Louis' house and said we all went in the same car to the funeral home. As we walked into the funeral home where Louis' body layed, cold and motionless, Kayla, Parker and I just stopped dead in our tracks. Leah and his dad,Chris, went into the room where Louis was. While we were standing in the sitting room outside Louis' room, we heard Leah's sobs, and we heard Chris trying to comfort her. After about 20 minutes sitting in the room, Kayla looked at me. "Will you come in with me? I'm scared to go." "Of course!" I turned to Parker, "Do you want to go see Louis, Parker?"She hesitated,"If I can hold your hand the whole time.""Of course," I said, holding out my hand. She gripped it tight and we walked slowly into the room. As we were approaching the coffin, I looked to my left at Kayla, and to my right at Parker, "Are you guys okay?""Yeah..." They both replied. I saw out of the corner of my eye Leah and Chris watching me bring them up to the coffin. The three of us knelt in front of the coffin, and right away we were all crying, and looking over at them made me cry harder. Chris came up and got Kayla and Parker, "Girls, lets give Gina a minute alone with Louis before everybody else gets here." I looked hopelessly at him in the coffin. I began talking to him. "Why didn't you sleep over my house that night?! Why did you insist on walking home at such a late time!? If you would've just slept over we wouldn't be here," I was now yelling at him from frustration and hurt. I took a deep breath and held his hand with mine, "I love you Louis... I just wish you didn't have to be taken so fast... its not fair..." I started to tear again. Other people were starting a line behind me in the other room, so I kissed his cheek and went by Leah and hugged her. She pulled me into the other room, which had cleared out because everybody was now sitting in Louis' room. We sat on a couch and she pulled her bag onto the couch. She pulled a box out of her bag and handed it to me."Louis bought this for you a while go while we were on our cruise at the end of June. He was waiting to give it to you at the right time, but I gues that never came... He would've wanted you to have it. "I opened the box and it was a ring. It was engraved on the inside of it, "We first talked May 6th 2010. I'll remember that day for the rest of my life. I love you so much, one day you'll know." On the outside it had a ruby. It had vine detailing around the ruby, Leah said that it's supposed to represent a rose. I put it on my left ring finger and shed a tear. 'That finger was only for you, anyways...' I hugged Leah and we went back into the room because we both had to greet people. I put on my fake smile that I'm oh so good at, and thanked all of our friends for coming, and said hello to his Aunt Sandy and Uncle Angelo and little Greggy. Gregory looked so sad, Louis was one of his favorite cousins. He came up to me and hugged me and started crying. I stroked his hair in a motherly way and whispered to him, "I know, I know.. it'll be okay..."
    
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19. secretstoryteller
    posted a quote
    August 9, 2011 11:56pm UTC
    Hidden Behind the Smile Chapter 13; July 21st,2011I was woken up at 8:30 in the morning today by my mom. Her eyes were teary and red. I looked at her, then got scared. Thoughts were shooting through my head. "Did something happen to grandma!?!?" I almost screamed."No, grandmas fine hun. Her hearts stable now, she's going to be fine...." She trailed off."So what's wrong!? Why does it look like you were crying?""This morning.. I got a call from Leah Agia. It's Louis..."She wasn't looking me in the eyes, her eyes wandering around my room. It took a minute for me to grasp what she was saying, and when it sunk in, my eyes widened and panic set in. "What happened to Louis!?!?!""Calm down hunny," she said sitting on my bed,"Last night, after he left here, he was walking home. It was around midnight, and he ran into Cory. Cory was drunk, and he was mad at him for whatever reason, Leah didn't know. Cory and his friends beat him up, and one stabbed him with a broken beer bottle in his neck. By the time someone found him, he had lost too much blood to be saved..."My eyes were pouring tears, " I don't believe you. I have to go over there, he'll be asleep, in his room. I know it, I know hes there...""Sweetheart, hes not going to be there...""Yes he will be! He's going to be there Mom! You don't understand!" "Gina, calm down.. please. Just take a deep breath, I know this is a lot to take in, but just calm down.""NO!" I screamed in her face. I threw my blankets off of me and started to undress. I got into shorts and a t-shirt, brushed my teeth, barely, and ran out of the house. I ran all the way to Louis' house. 'He's got to be there, he will be there...' I just kept thinking to myself. I got to Louis' house, breathless, with tears still running down my face. I opened the door, it was open. I ran upstairs to Louis' room to find nobody in there, except his mom crying on his bed. The instant I saw her, I collapsed into her arms. "Why'd this happen to him? Why? He was such a good boy! Why would Cory do this to him?!"Cory. It all clicked. Cory was mad at Louis cause he got me.. this is all my fault..."I know, I know." We just sat there on his bed for a while, hugging and crying. We pulled ourselves together, and I gripped the necklace Louis gave me for my birthday. I then immediatly thought of his sisters. I ran across the hall to Kayla's room. Kayla and Parker were sitting on Kayla's bed crying in a hug, just like me and Leah were just doing. They looked up at me and ran and hugged me. We all cried together. We sat down on Kayla's floor to look at old pictures of Louis. We found a picture of me and Louis from our 8th grade moving up. Louis had on a blue shirt and a yellow tie, and I had on a white dress. Parker, his younger sister, looked at me and said, "He always loved you. He always talked about you, and he always denied him being in love with you. It was just obvious. You could tell by the way he talked about you, and when we found out you two were finally going out, we were so happy. He really did love you, he was always so happy after you guys started going out."I smiled, and a tear slid down my face. "Ya know, he always asked me, 'What would you do if I were to die tomorrow?' I always replied the same, 'I'd be lost without you. Once I found out, I'd get to your house as soon as possible, find your mom first. Then find your sisters, because at this point they're like sisters to me also. I'd probably spend the whole day with your family. And then after everything was done, I'd visit your grave every Sunday. I'd talk to you, and catch you up on what you missed this week. And whenever I'm in desperate need to talk to you, I'll just look at the picture you gave me for Christmas of us in the most thoughtful frame, and I'd talk to that. At night, if I can't sleep, I'll put on your cookie monster sweatshirt you let me have, and hug my pillow pet you gave me. I'd be lost without you, so please, don't ever leave me.' At this point tears were pouring down all three of our faces. Parker went downstairs to get a water bottle and Kayla looked at me. When I looked at Kayla, I saw Louis in her everywhere. If you didn't know them, you'd think they're twins. She looked at me and started crying, and I hugged her so tight. While I was crying I somehow managed to make out comforting words. "You know, Louis loved you so much. He talked about you all the time, and no matter how many times he would tell me your annoying him and that he hates you, I know he's lying. He loved you so much and he would do anything for you and Parker. He'll be looking down on you for the rest of your life, so don't ever think he won't be there, because out of everybody on this Earth, he's the one that's going to travel with you, wherever you go."
    
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20. secretstoryteller
    posted a quote
    August 8, 2011 2:05pm UTC
    Hidden Behind the Smile Chapter 12; July 20th,2011My mom's voice sounded shaky and scared. I asked quickily, "What happened to her!?" She started describing it to me, but she started crying. I could make out little of what she was saying. What I got out of the conversation was my grandma was in the hospital, she was having problems with her heart and me, Jimmy, and Jesse have to keep the rest of the kids occupied while my mom goes to the hospital. I got off the phone with my mom and talked to Jimmy and Jesse right away. We took the little kids to the movies and to get pizza. While we were at the pizza place, I got a call from my mom."Hey mom, how's grandma doing?" "Okay, the doctors are stabilizing her. She should be alright." "Okay good, do you know when your going to be home?" "I'm not sure, soon,hopefully," she hung up the phone and I went back to the table. We took them home when we were done and put them to bed. It was around 9 when Louis called me. I invited him over until my mom comes home. We were in the basement watching tv when we heard fireworks going off. We went outside and sat on the deck in my backyard and watched the fireworks. The biggest firework shot into the sky, flashing all different colors. Louis looked over at me, pushed the hair out of my face and knelt down to kiss me. It was a soft, sweet kiss. He smiled during the kiss, which made me smile. We pulled away and laughed. He stopped laughing and looked me in the eyes. "I love you, I seriously am in love with you. I don't know what I would do without you in my life." "I feel the exact same way. When I'm around you, I can't help but be in an amazing mood. You make me so happy, and I am in love with you. I'd be lost without you and I never want to lose you," I said and kissed him passionatly.
    
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