I was broken baby I had hit an all time low. Rock bottom would have been a step up for me. But i fought my way back up because i wasn't going to let a [B.r.o.k.e.n. H.e.a.r.t.] keep me down. & yeah it was hard. It took every bit of strength i had in me to get up in the morning. Who would have thought that you could b r e a k me so bad with a text message. It took 18 days for me to stop crying, and i still think about you everyday. But i was getting better. That ache in my heart was starting to go away. I was okay. [& then i saw you today.] I thought i could handle it, but when you walked back out that door, i broke down. I don't know how i'm going to handle this again. I'm back at square one.
What am i gonna do now? i need you to tell me because i don't even know anymore. I need you to tell me what to do now that i don't have enough strength to get up in the morning. Now that i don't have a reason to. What do i do now that i don't have that phone call every night to look forward to. What am i going to do now that everything i ever wanted just [s l i p p e d] through my fingers. -It's not worth it anymore-
I'm finally getting better. It's finally getting easier to breathe again. And when you come up to me saying ["baby i'm sorry"] i'm gonna say;; "you don't even know what you did to me. you have no idea how many nights i cried over you. You don't know how bad it hurt to know that somehow magically you got over your commitment issues IN TWO WEEKS. It's amazing to me how you can so quickly get over someone that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. It kills me to think that [maybe just maybe] i wasn't good enough for you. I hate that my heart is screaming I.LOVE.YOU. right now, but my head is saying 'honey we've been here before' && i know we have. i hate that i never got the chance to tell you how much i loved you. How much i STILL love you. i hate that all i want to do right now is give you an 'i miss you' hug and tell you that it's okay; to take you back and start this thing all over again. But i can't do that to myself again. I'm too strong for that. So baby, I'm sorry."
& yeah;; it's gonna be hard. It's going to kill me to walk into that room on the first day of school, and see [him with her]. It's going to take every ounce of strength i have left, to not tell him i still love him. Every bit of progress i've made the past 3 months will be d e s t r o y e d and i'll be back at square one. Yeah, it's gonna be hard.
I wonder if you know, that my nails [stay painted red] because that's your favorite color. & that your tie is hanging in my room. I wonder if you know that i made a CD of songs to help me get over you, and it doesn't work. I wonder if you know that it's [harder to breathe] without you. & that my chest actually aches where my heart should be. I wonder if you know i'm afraid to fall in love [again.] I wonder if that would even bother you. I wonder if you would even care.
So I'm laying here in a bubble bath wearing only your tie, with my headphones in... playing our song tears [streaming] down my face, mascara running, waiting to wake up;; ------------------------------------------------------------------- from this nightmare.