We were both sitting on the very top of the roof, and everything in the night was quiet as I removed my gaze from the starry sky and turned my head to face him, my best friend. His gorgeous wide eyes had already beaten me there, and I could see little white reflections in his deep bluish eyes. When he fixed them on me, a wide smile broke across his face, flickering in the light of the kerosene lantern between us. I returned the grin, and then suddenly his lips were on mine.
Surprise was my first feeling. Then guilt, because I knew this was wrong. Uncertainty, and also fear, because I knew we would both me in trouble if anyone found out about this encounter. I'd always known we could never be together, because of where we come from. Whenever I found myself with butterflies because of him, I'd needed to remind myself that everything about the way we were raised in told us to hate each other. So, naturally it was a shock to finally realize that none of it mattered... The only thing that really mattered, I now I realized, was him, and the feel of his tongue tracing my bottom lip, as if he were asking permission for entry to my mouth. His lips forced mine open, but the long, unstopping kiss that followed was gentle.
I had always been that nerdy girl, the one people asked for homework answers, but otherwise paid no attention to. I was always the girl with her nose buried in a book. The girl with the wild curly hair and crooked teeth who always kept to herself. It was a stroke of luck that we met... Being assigned as partners for the trimester science project on Astronomy was, in fact, what brought us to this moment. Over the course of a few weeks, we'd grown closer, but we both knew that our friendship was one that would be ridiculed. But it didn't matter now, because we were with each other. Momentarily, my shock to even be lucky enough to be kissing this boy in the first place was forgotten.
After what seemed like hours, we finally pulled away gasping for air as he placed his arms around my hips, carefully rolling me onto his back. His body, propped up on his long, muscular arms, hovered over mine as he kissed along my jaw, tracing a pattern down my neck and shoulders.
I leaned into him, burying my face in the crook of his neck. Against the top of my hair he whispered, “Beautiful, you are,” as he gently placed his thumb under my chin and lifted my face to his. His soft mouth murmured against my cheek, “So beautiful… So beautiful…”
Tears pricked at my eyes, threatening to spill over. Treacherous, wet drops finally escaped, cascading down my cheeks. Lips kissing at my shoulder, he sat up, finally feeling the salty water trickling down my neck. Suddenly, to my terror, sobs broke free from my lungs. I looked up at him, horror etched across his beautiful features. “No! No, no, no,” he whispered, quietly shushing me, grabbing my face he frantically but gently wiped away the tears pouring across it. I could feel my cheeks growing hot with embarrassment, and a small cry escaped my trembling lips. “What’s wrong?” He crooned, shock dripping from his voice with every word. Scooping me up into his arms, he tried, but to no avail, to wipe away all my tears as he rocked me back and forth. I sobbed harder, not knowing why I couldn’t control it. He continued to sway as he crooned soothing words, an expression somewhat like a mixture of fear and concern plastered across his face.
When the tears stopped coming, I looked up at him apologetically, but he wasn’t looking back. His eyes were half closed, gently caressing the palm of my hand as he slowly and gingerly took each of my fingertips and kissed it. A single tear emerged from his almost-shut eyes and dropped onto my hand. He wiped it away and finally turned to me hopefully. He released my arm as I tugged it away and buried my face in my hands. He was still rocking me, and seemed to be waiting for an explanation. “Oh, Dan, I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I don’t know… what… just… happened to me…” I shuddered and convulsed again, and he only gripped me tighter, frantically shoving his face to my neck and kissing it. I gasped as his lips met the cold skin on my neck, and as much as I enjoyed the warm sensation, I took his head in my hands and lifted it away. “Can you forgive me…?”
He ignored my plea, and just looked at me, his grey eyes widened. “What’s upsetting you?” he whispered.
I looked down. “I don’t know,” I murmured.
“Yes, you do.” He said softly. He smiled and gently stroked my cheek with his thumb.
We stared at each other wordlessly for a minute, until I finally burst.
“Oh… I’m so sorry! I just… I don’t know what’s happening to us… Why are you doing this?! Why me? You can have any girl in this whole school, why me?! I-I-I just don’t believe it… This cannot be happening! And it probably isn’t… n-no matter how much I want it to! Oh, I’m such an idiot!”
I sobbed into his chest, and without seeing his face, I knew he understood what I was talking about. But he just sat there anyway and held me tighter, rubbing my arm soothingly. "I want you." He whispered.
n_anonymous