glitter162*'s Quotes

glitter162*
posted a quote
September 29, 2013 3:33pm UTC

What if you
were to wake up one day,
and realize that your whole life
had been a dream?
Would you be angry…
or thankful?

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glitter162*
posted a quote
September 29, 2013 3:22pm UTC

Me: *walks into car auto shop*
Me: Can I have a rim job please

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glitter162*
posted a quote
September 22, 2013 3:50pm UTC

Shortest Horror Story Ever:
computer: unable to connect to the internet.

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glitter162*
posted a quote
September 22, 2013 3:48pm UTC

Don't break anyone's heart,
they only have one. Break their bones, they have 206.

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glitter162*
posted a quote
September 22, 2013 3:45pm UTC

Mom, can I...?:
No

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glitter162*
posted a quote
September 21, 2013 2:11pm UTC

Me: *misses TV episode*
Episode: *never played again*
Me: *watches TV episode*
Episode: *played 1000 times*

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glitter162*
posted a quote
September 21, 2013 2:08pm UTC

I'm not fat, my stomach
is in 3-D

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glitter162*
posted a quote
September 21, 2013 2:06pm UTC

Dear Spongebob,
you live in Bikini Bottom and you're super absorbent?
Sincerely, you're a tampon.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 65 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
September 21, 2013 2:04pm UTC

Men say that a woman's
place is in the kitchen. Just remember that's where all the knives are.

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glitter162*
posted a quote
September 21, 2013 2:01pm UTC

Oh, you're wearing Converse
with your prom dress? I bet no one's ever done that before.

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glitter162*
posted a quote
September 21, 2013 1:58pm UTC

Person: Don't move, there's something in your hair.
Me: GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GEEETTT ITT OOOFFF

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 73 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
September 20, 2013 6:37pm UTC

That rejected feeling you
get when you hold a baby and it starts to cry

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glitter162*
posted a quote
September 20, 2013 6:33pm UTC

That awkward moment when
you realize that every house has a particular smell, but you can't even smell the one at your house

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glitter162*
posted a quote
September 20, 2013 6:31pm UTC

I wish there was a pen
that could copy and paste

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glitter162*
posted a quote
September 20, 2013 6:29pm UTC

Let's all take a moment to
question why "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing

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glitter162*
posted a quote
September 20, 2013 6:25pm UTC

Me: *age 5* Mommy, I have 3 boyfriends!
Mom: Aww, how cute, my baby's a big girl now.
Me: *age 16* Mom, I got a boyfriend today and-
Mom: No

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 85 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
September 20, 2013 6:22pm UTC

Someone: *says something*
Me: *breaks into a song with a word they just said*

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glitter162*
posted a quote
September 20, 2013 6:20pm UTC

Nemo's Dad: Nemo, don't touch the boat!
Nemo:
Nemo's Dad:
Nemo: LOL YOLO

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 67 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
September 13, 2013 4:37pm UTC

Me: Motherfu*ker
Dad: *walk in* You called?

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glitter162*
posted a quote
September 13, 2013 4:35pm UTC

Where don't hipsters fish?
The mainstream

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 89 points

Witty Profiles

glitter162*