the first time, i was seven, and it was a skipping rope tied to the branch of a tree.
the second time, i was eight, and it was swimming out to sea, too far for me to swim back
the third time, i was ten, and it was me lying down in the middle of the road and closing my eyes
the fourth time, i was twelve, and it was downing a bottle of sleeping pills
the fifth time, i was thirteen, and it was a cold bath and me filling my lungs up with the water.
and i don't wish i could go back to my childhood days, not the way everyone else does, because that was no childhood.