time after time
part #33
i grabbed my bag, and walked solemnly into my house. my parents greeted me with the standard "oh where were you, how is she? are you okay?" thing, and after that i went upstairs and plopped on my bed. i checked my phone and steve texted me,
"so what do you want to do today?" i typed in a quick
"i'll come over in a little." and i threw all my clothes in the hamper. by the time i put the bag back in my closet he said,
"alright sounds good." i went downstairs, ate a granola bar slowly, and went out to my car to drive to steve's. he was out skateboarding on his driveway.
"hey baby !" he said as i got closer, and i ran up to him and gave him a passionate kiss.
"i missed you." i smiled.
"hah, visit to your sister?" he chuckled.
"yea, family discussion."
"without your parents?" he asked
"kids only." i said.
"what did you guys do? play board games?" he asked, and kicked up his skateboard.
"well, not exactly.." i trailed off. here came the hard part.
"what did you do then?" he asked.
"kara brought me to a party." i said quietly.
"a frat party? and what did you do there? play board games?" he asked, angrier.
"no." i said quietly. he just stared at me.
"did you.." he whispered.
"well, there was this one guy.." i started.
"one guy !" he shouted.
"steve steve steve let me finish !" i shouted, grabbing his hand. he calmed down, so i continued.
"i just hooked up with him, that's it. nothing more. steve i was drunk, and i'm soo sorry. it didn't mean anything ! i swear! i told you how much i loved you !" i said to him, and he just looked at me, and shook my hand off.
"i thought i could handle you ray. i tried really hard."
"no" i whispered.
"maybe i just thought i was in love."
"we are, steve ! i can prove it!" i said, through tears.
"you don't love me." he said harshly. "you don't hurt the people you love."
"steve, i didn't mean it." i began.
"maybe you should leave." he said. i knew there was no point in explaining this. my newly sewn seams, were torn, and i ran back to my car in tears. i floored it back to my house, and i walked into the house, drying my tears to not alert my parents.
"hey ray." my mom called.
"yea mom?" i asked.
"there's a letter for you on the table. i didn't recognize the address, but it's for you." i glanced over to the table, to see an envelope with sloppy handwriting on the front. there, my name "rachel boyd" was scrawled across the top. i didn't care to be gentle, so as i was walking up the stairs to my room. i threw the envelope out, with only a return address on it, no name. i laid on my bed, and began the letter.
"dear rachel,
you are probably confused as to why i'm writing this letter, well you probably don't even know who it's from yet. just promise me, you won't look to the bottom of this page, until your done reading? okay promise? alright well i'm writing this because it was suggested to me by my therapist. no no, don't worry. i'm not crazy. but i did do something that i'm not proud about, and i wanted to make things right. last year, i was a naive boy, who didn't care who he hurt, just in order to get what i want. i was in essense, very selfish (aren't we all though?) so trying to maintain a "popular" status, i went along with what the crowd did. so one night at a party last year, there was a huge group of seniors during senior week, and i wanted to fit in. they kept offering me drinks and other types of drugs, so after very many attempts to say no, i gave in to both. i can say with no doubt, even though i've lived a short amount of it, that it was the worst mistake of my life, or the second worst. i drank a lot, and smoked a lot. i can't even remember how much, as i've tried not to think about it too much. later that night, my mom wanted me home, so thinking i was invincible, as most kids do, i thought i could drive to the house and get there safely. that actually, has to be the worst decision of my life. i was driving on the road, when my friends bet i couldn't take a turn on two wheels. being the selfish guy that i am, took the turn, but your car had to be on the other side of the road. we collided, and the driver of your car died immediately. after i was conscious, and aware of what i did, i felt terrible. i mean, i'm 18 and i'm responsible for someone's death. i didn't mean for it to happen at all, and i've served my time, and doing time in therapy now to get over it. i couldn't even fathom how it felt to be the people in the other car, and then i met you. the guilt almost becomes unbearable when i'm with you, because it's a constant reminder of the stupid mistake that i made, and to have to see the empty look in your eyes is enough to wish the crash killed me instead of your rob. you will probably hate me for writing this letter, but i just wanted to express how sorry i am, and if you could even consider forgiving me, it will be enough.
i'm sorry,
zac krunez
p.s. i'm sorry, i never meant to ruin your 'happily ever after.'"
i couldn't even fathom what i just read. i broke down into tears, and ran downstairs to show my mom. after she read through the whole thing, she was in tears.
"honey i'm soo sorry."
"mom i know him! he's in my classes." i actually just went on a date with him, but i'd never admit that.
"i can't believe he would write that to you. that's so considerate."
"i know mom. i'm gonna go pay him a visit actually." i said, wiping my tears, and grabbing the envelope and running out to my car.
Melisa
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