time after time
part #24
i took two tylenol, and thought about the look the cashier gave me when he handed them to me. had i looked that desperate? i pulled down the visor, and opened the mirror. oh, wow, i look a mess. there's dry mascara under my eyes, and my hair looked like i'd been attacked with a hair brush. i didn't care though, and i pulled out onto the highway. i opened all the windows, and the fresh spring air filled my car, as i turned on the radio, and blasted it until i got to kara's apartment. i haven't really been here that much, because it was always so far away, and she always came home for the holidays, but i was pretty good with directions (and my GPS helped a lot) and i pulled into a spot right in front of her apartment. i pulled right next to my brother's acura. his was older than mine because he'd been driving a lot longer than me, but he was extremely good with cars, so his engine was practically good as new. i felt all the pressure i tried to leave in the dust in virginia creep back up on me as i turned off my car, grabbed my duffel, and walked up to her door. she had a cute little apartment, it was narrow, and had 3 stories. it was perfect for her. she didn't share with anyone, because she was always independent, and didn't want to share it. if she ever did, she would open it up to her friends, but they never stayed for longer than a semester at college. i rang her doorbell, and she came running to the door. i checked my phone, and it was already 1. she opened the door, and turned on the lights, blinding me for a second.
"baby sister." she shouted, and hugged my shoulders, and i half hugged her back.
"i missed you" she said, and pulled away. she looked me up and down.
"what's wrong?" she said, holding my shoulders.
"did rob?" she half whispered. she hadn't been home since he died, and i guess my parents didn't update her after he died. she only knew we were in the hospital. but i guess all my parents cared about was that i was alright. my eyes stung, and a tear fell from my eye, and she gasped.
"oh no no no no no." she said, taking my bag, and my eyes were streaming.
"yea, he did." i said. and she hugged me again.
"why didn't you call me?" she shouted, and pulled my hand into her apartment.
"i was busy. his parents asked me to help plan his funeral." i began, and she led me up the first set of stairs, to see jason sitting on the couch in front of the tv. her kitchen lights were on, and she threw the bag, and got out a carton of ice cream.
"i just ran out." she smiled, and scooped me a huge bowl of cookies and cream, my favorite. jay saw my pain, and he got up to give me a hug.
"hey jay." i said, and he lifted me into a huge hug.
"i miss you ray." he said.
"then pick somewhere to live closer to home." i smiled. then i wiped it off my face, because soon home will be a different country.
"what happened?" he said, and sat in a stool next to mine. kar looked at me, and i nodded my head.
"jay, rob died." i studdered, and started crying.
"what?" he asked confused, and looked at me, then at kara.
"wel-" she started.
"no, i'll tell it kar." i said, and i wiped my eyes.
"jay, remember that car accident i was in about a year ago?" i asked.
"yea?" he asked. it seemed irrelevant to him.
"rob was driving the car, and it hit him. he died later in the hospital." i said, and started crying a little more.
"no." he whispered. kara was staring in shock.
"why didn't mom tell us?" he asked.
"i don't know." i said hysterically. "i guess she was just happy i made it out of the hospital. but i can't stand the fact that he's not here." i said, and kar came over and gave me a hug. she pulled up another stool, and was stroking my hair.
"dude, he loved you." he said. i just nodded my head.
"but i loved him too." i said. i smiled to put on a happy face, and i whispered, "i miss him a lot."
"i know." kara said, and i wiped a tear coming down the side of her face.
"but what i was saying, was that his mom asked me to help with the funeral. i had to give a speech, and help go through his stuff. that's why i couldn't call." i said. "i'm really sorry."
"i can't believe mom and dad didn't say anything." jay said.
"ugh mom and dad are so annoying right now. i want to just graduate already and leave that hell-hole." i said.
"what happened?" kar asked.
"they want me to give up my scholarship to virginia, and move to england with them."
"what?" jay asked, surprised.
"rach, you worked way too hard for that." kar said.
"i know and they can't force you to do anything. you're eighteen, they can't make all your decisions." jay said.
"but they won't pay for room and board. and i can't get a job on a division one team. i already signed off on it. " i said. "they want me to go to cambridge." i said the name with a sneer. "but i'm not going." i said.
"that's so not fair." kar said.
"and it's not part of the plan." i whispered.
"what plan?" kar asked.
"well, rob and i planned out our life. he said after we graduated college and university of virginia, he'd marry me." i said, and looked down. jason as just staring at me.
"and he was serious." he said.
"what?" i looked up.
"one day rach, you were taking a shower and we were watching tv, and he told me he was going to marry you. he said after you guys graduated high school, he wanted to propose to you. i laughed at it, but he asked me for permission, because dad was away. i said yea, because he would've been an awesome brother in law, but i knew he wasn't kidding either."
"what?" i whispered.
"rach he was serious."
"i know, and so was i." i said. "which is why i worked so hard to get a lacrosse scholarship to virginia. that's what he would've done." i said, and leaned my head back. "and now mom and dad are going to ruin it all for us." my phone started vibrating on the counter. it was steve
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