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alc_xx

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Member Since: 28 Nov 2011 12:08pm

Last Seen: 30 Nov 2011 11:06pm

user id: 244174

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Im 19 years old , and I just lost my mom & best friend in a car crash last week and I feel like it's my fault .. I begged my mom to drive to my friends all because I didn't want to wait one stupid day to see her , and now ill never see either of them .. a friend told me about this site and thats why im here , im not here to make my stuff look pretty because I don't care about that im here to vent without being judged because im losing my mind keeping everything in . 














 

  1. alc_xx alc_xx
    posted a quote
    November 28, 2011 12:47pm UTC
    click to see this quote

  2. alc_xx alc_xx
    posted a quote
    November 28, 2011 12:37pm UTC
    Oh Abby Abby Abby ;
    You have always been the number 1 lady in my life ,
    I remember you coming up and telling me I had pretty eyes in grade 3 and we have been unseparable since.
    Your mom has been calling me the past couple days since the furneral but I havent been able to answer her calls and im sorry , I feel so much remorse for everything thats happened and im still in so much shock that I cant bring myself to do it .. As I leaned over your casket and kissed you goodbye your mother came over and whispered " bad things happen to good people , it's not your fault you were my daughters hero " .
    How can I possibly believe that ?
    Ryan stopped over yesterday he's about the only person I can talk to right now ,
    he understands how I feel because he loved you just as much as I did ..
    I have laid in his arms and cried for hours apologizing over and over again for taking you from him , he tells me its not my fault things happen but this never should have happened you and my mom should be here putting up our tree and drinking our faces off blasting the christmas cd that mom played every year since we were kids but insteand we had to lower you both into the ground .. baby girl your with me everywhere I go , I love you more then I love myself and I promise you that we will be together again , look after my mom for me , always and forever <3

  3. alc_xx alc_xx
    posted a quote
    November 28, 2011 12:25pm UTC
    Dear Mom ;
    It's only been 5 days but it feels like months , I woke up this morning and could almost hear your voice and smell your coffee , the realization that I was alone hit me instantly and I cried , I feel like I killed you & Abby and its something ill never be able to forgive myself for , I can't believe I was so selfish ..
    When something like this happens your best friend is there to help you through it all but by allowing you to drive I took her life too , I've thought about taking my own but I know that's not what you would want & I know by doing that it wouldn't make a difference and I couldn't bring either of you back .
    I've had alot of phone calls I know alot of people are worried about me but im just not ready to face anyone.
    I opened up a bottle of vodka last night and drank it straight then laid in bed and thought about ending it all , how do I live without you two girls ?
    god only takes the greatest and maybe thats why I cant bring myself to go with you.
    Im so sorry , I lovee you & misss you so very much .
    Heaven needed some angels and I hope your watching down on me .
    Give my beautiful Abby a kiss for me <3

  4. alc_xx alc_xx
    posted a quote
    November 28, 2011 12:15pm UTC
    Last week I was on facebook talking to my girl ,
    she was upset about a breakup & asked if she could come over ,
    her car was in the shop so I asked my mom to go pick her up ,
    it was snowing & my mom didn't want to drive but I have a way of getting to her ,
    besides it's only a few blocks away ,
    November 23rd @ 2:30pm I lost my mom & my best friend in a car accident.
    rest in peace my beautiful angels </3

:)

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