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The story has only just begun.
I've been thinking about what I wanted to write in here all day. I wanted it to be perfect, but we both know, it won't be. You see, a lot of things have changed since October 6, when I started this account. This is the first time I've even edited my profile since Day 1. For those of you who have been with me since the beginning, you would know that I made this account to save my friend, Brianna's, life. She cuts. She's depressed. She suffers from Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia Nervosa. She's extremely stressed. She has family issues. I have all the same problems as her. Normally, I would go straight to her with my problems and vent to her. I knew I was stressing her out even more. This account was supposed to stop that. This is where I was going to come to vent instead of her. I was going to devote all my time to try and help her. It didn't last very long. She knew something was up. We started fighting, a lot. Last night, October 24, the truth came out. I told her about this account. Hell, I bet she's already read this. Things between us should go back to normal. So this account really doesn't serve a purpose anymore, right? Wrong. This part of the account, was only part one.
Things change, life goes on.
Now we're on part two. Part one was saving Brianna. This part is about saving myself. Hii, I'm "Callie". Obviously, this isn't my real name. This is my secret account. The confessions that are in orange, were from part one. Starting now, the confessions will be in purple. The purple confessions, are a part of part two. Hmmm, where should I begin? I started cutting in the middle of the summer. Things just became to much to handle. Everything kept building up. The self-harm started a long time ago, though. Depression...well that's something that's been with me as long as I can remember. I guess it started with my parents. My mom, well she's always been a part of a dysfunctional family. Her mom was re-married about 4 times. They don't know who my mom's father is. She's never met him. My mom's mom died of cancer. She refused to go to a hospital. She wanted to die. My mom's brother is always in and out of jail. He used to torture my mom when they were little. When my grandma on my mom's side passed away, that's when the abuse started. I was only 10 years old. My mom would smack me, punch me, and basically through anything she can get her hands on at me. I specifically remember hangers, spatulas, and remotes. My dad, well his abuse is more mental then physical. His family was rather dysfunctional as well. His sister and my aunt, got pregnant as a teenager. She's always borrowing money from everyone, since she quit her job. My dad's mom has lung cancer. Right now, things are going well. I'm scared that they will take a turn for the worse. My dad normally pulls my hair or pushes me down or throws me into things. Once he poured juice on me after throwing me to the ground. It was the worst expierence of my life. Neither of my parents exactly support me, in anything. They expect me to be perfect. Well, I'm not. I'm far from it. I can't meet their expectations, I can never make them proud. No matter what I do. This is long, sorry for boring you. Anyways, eventually, my self-esteem hit an all time low. I wear tons of make up to school every single day, because I'm ashamed of whats underneath it. I stopped eating for a while so I could be skinny enough to please everyone else. I even tried throwing up. Lately, I started going back to this. I cut and carve the most. I do it on my hips, that way nobody can ever see. Most of the time, I carve words. Words that describe how I feel. Words that I will constantly have to look at. Words that will never go away. There's one more thing that makes me the way I am. Boys. One boy, in particular. Call him Jeff. Hey Jeff. Remember me? The girl you played 6 times? The girl you cheated on like it was nothing? The girl who was stupid enough to go back to you every time? The girl that gave you her first kiss? The girl you pass in the hallway every day, and pretend like you've never met? Yep, that's me. I love you. I really do. More than any other girl ever could. Why do you like her? Don't you understand that she won't be there for you, like I will be? What does she have that I don't? I'm sorry I'm not the one you want. I'll leave you alone. But just remember, I will never give up. And I will always be here, waiting. Okay, back to reality. Well, I highly doubt any of you read all of that. I kinda just rambled on and on and on. Sorry. But if you did, I love you.
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TheRealMe_x3