Oceanic_Eyes

Oceanic_Eyes
posted a quote
August 9, 2012 8:55pm UTC

i wish i still had my innocence.

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Oceanic_Eyes
posted a quote
June 26, 2012 9:24pm UTC

this is what i've done and for some reason it's working: i've put everything i've ever felt for him in this non-exsisting box in my brain. i never plan on opening this box until i can actually manage to deal with how i feel for him . admitting this makes me feel a little insane . but it's helped me completely blocked every emotion i feel towards him . it's allowed me to really move on from him. from whatever the hell we were. and thankfully i also decided to place all my self esteem issues in there along with him. every insult , everything. and thanks to this i've bought three short shorts , two bikinis having no problem wearing them and i can finally feel worth something.

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Oceanic_Eyes
posted a quote
June 19, 2012 9:19pm UTC

i give up trying.

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Oceanic_Eyes
posted a quote
June 15, 2012 11:11pm UTC

for some reason i just thought the way you kissed me meant something.

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Oceanic_Eyes
posted a quote
June 15, 2012 10:28pm UTC

i feel so pathetic now.

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Oceanic_Eyes
posted a quote
June 15, 2012 10:25pm UTC

i don't know how to tell you anything without making you feel bad . maybe if i just say nothing and suffer in silence you'll stay happy.

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Oceanic_Eyes
posted a quote
June 15, 2012 10:23pm UTC

the truth is , i was really looking forward to hanging out with you . right until you called me clingy. now i don't know if i want to be around you , i just feel like anything i do now to get closer to you will be considered clingy .

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Oceanic_Eyes
posted a quote
June 15, 2012 10:21pm UTC

i've never been more then a one night stand to anyone.

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Oceanic_Eyes
posted a quote
June 15, 2012 9:49pm UTC

i get very quiet when i'm asked to describe myself.
because growing up i was told if i'm going to say something mean i shouldn't say something at all.

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Oceanic_Eyes
posted a quote
June 14, 2012 7:52pm UTC

i do something you want and you call me something i hate.

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Oceanic_Eyes
posted a quote
June 14, 2012 3:48pm UTC

it turns out that i make people feel guilty with the things i say sometimes. and its a daily occurrence . i didn't know. i've never meant to make anyone feel guilty with the things i say , i never wanted to make someone feel that way. i don't know what i say to make people feel guilty though. maybe if i say nothing there will be nothing worth feeling guilty for.

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Oceanic_Eyes
posted a quote
June 14, 2012 2:49pm UTC

i refuse to let myself like anyone anymore. i end up looking like the biggest idiot because i care too much. i'll just give up on feelings that are more then just friends now. i'm not getting hurt like this anymore. i won't let myself. i try to be everything they want and i end up being called things like "clingy". i'd rather just be someones play thing. thats all i've ever been anyway.

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Oceanic_Eyes
posted a quote
June 14, 2012 2:40pm UTC

Person:blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah- his name-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah
my thoughts : why? why did you have to-why? was it really necessary ? he's not worth the air you wasted prenouncing his name. why ? why did you have to say that name? out of all 7 billion people in this world , why did you have to talk about him? i don't want to think about him. i don't want to feel stupid. why did you have to do that? no . you have no right to bring him up. i don't even want to remember he exsits. why? why did you really have to say that ? do you like making people feel stupid? is that a pathetic pass time of yours? or do you just like to embarrass people out of the blue ? i'm sorry , would you like me to bring up something crappy about your past to make you feel like sh*t the rest of the day ? no i didn't think so. and if you had any hope of somehow having a conversation with me about him , you're sh*t our of luck.
Me:"yep....mhm..k."

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Oceanic_Eyes
posted a quote
June 14, 2012 2:26pm UTC

"well i'm going to hell anyways . why not make it fun ? right, beautiful?"

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Oceanic_Eyes
posted a quote
June 14, 2012 2:24pm UTC

even she says i'm clingy.

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Oceanic_Eyes
posted a quote
June 13, 2012 4:20pm UTC

i don't know what i am anymore..

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Oceanic_Eyes
posted a quote
June 11, 2012 6:46pm UTC

i did something saturtday night and sunday morning with someone i don't think i should've done it with.
but i don't regret it .
i actually really liked it.
and i might do it again on friday, we'll see.

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Oceanic_Eyes
posted a quote
May 1, 2012 9:37pm UTC

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Oceanic_Eyes
posted a quote
May 1, 2012 8:59pm UTC

Witty , i need to vent: i have 45 pounds to lose in 2 months. if i don't i've failed something i've had dreamed about for years. i always promised myself : Summer 2012 will be the summer i wear a bikini. but you know what ? it won't . i'm not going to be able to do it. and in the end i'll blame and hate myself even more then i do now. I'll feel like a gigantic failure and i'm honestly terrified what i might do. i've tried so hard. but now when i look in the mirror i just feel like giving up, like whats the point of even trying ? i gained weight . no one has said anything but it's true. i'm 165 now. i was once 150. in February .i want to stop eating but i promised her i'd never do it again. i thought about throwing up alot recently but i won't let myself. i ate so much today. i'm so ashamed of it. i can't be over 120 lbs on july 1st. i really don't know how i'm going to do it. and honestly i know i can't . so save me the lecture on how it's unheathy to loose that much wieght in such a short amount of time because i'm not looking for your acceptance or your approval. i just needed to breath.

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Oceanic_Eyes
posted a quote
May 1, 2012 8:40pm UTC

i wish my weight was as low as my self esteem.

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