Witty , i need to vent: i have 45 pounds to lose in 2 months. if i don't i've failed something i've had dreamed about for years. i always promised myself : Summer 2012  will be the summer i wear a bikini. but you know what ? it won't . i'm not going to be able to do it. and in the end i'll blame and hate myself even more then i do now. I'll feel like a gigantic failure and i'm honestly terrified what i might do. i've tried so hard. but now when i look in the mirror i just feel like giving up, like whats the point of even trying ? i gained weight . no one has said anything but it's true. i'm 165 now. i was once 150. in February .i want to stop eating but i promised her i'd never do it again. i thought about throwing up alot recently but i won't let myself. i ate so much today. i'm so ashamed of it. i can't be over 120 lbs on july 1st. i really don't know how i'm going to do it. and honestly i know i can't . so save me the lecture on how it's unheathy to loose that much wieght in such a short amount of time because i'm not looking for your acceptance or your approval. i just needed to breath.