Witty Profiles

Lacrosse97

1. Lacrosse97
   posted a quote
   April 8, 2013 1:58pm UTC
   While playing rollar coaster tycoon one time, i remember thatv i was tasked with the mission of getting a higher approval rating than the park next door. Rather than make my park better, i instead built a rollarcoaster that launched people at 100mph into my rival's park. since technically those people those people died in my rival's park, their approval rating would plummet and people would rush to my park and straight onto my deathcoaster, which only caused their rating to drop even lower and lower. i did this for an hour until the game said i won.
   ...And that ladies and gentlemen, is why i can never be given any modicum of power...ever.
   
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2. Lacrosse97
   posted a quote
   April 8, 2013 1:54pm UTC
   A mom visits her son who lives with a girl roomate. During the course of the meal, his mother couldnt help but notice how pretty his roomate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious...
   Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and this roomate than met the eye.
   Reading his mom's thoughts, he volunteered, "i know what you must be something, but i assure you, we are just roomates."
   About a week later, his roomate came to him saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, ive been unable to find the silver plate. you dont suppose she took it, do you?"
   he said," well i doubt it, but i will email her, just to be sure."
   Dear Mother:
   I'm not saying you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate. but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
   Love,
   your son
   Several days later, he recieved an email from his mother which read"
   Dear Son:
   I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your roomate, and im not saying that you 'do not' sleep with your roomate. but the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she wouldve found the silver plate by now, under the pillow...
   Love,
   Mom.
   
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3. Lacrosse97
   posted a quote
   March 22, 2013 1:26pm UTC
   Did you know...
   that there is a LAW
   saying that if your teacher doesnt show up to class within 15 minutes, you can leave that class?
   
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4. Lacrosse97
   posted a quote
   March 22, 2013 1:15pm UTC
   Did you ever notice...
   That common sense isnt so common?
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points
5. Lacrosse97
   posted a quote
   February 12, 2013 11:42am UTC
   PSYCHOLOGICAL FACT: When someone cries and the first drop of tears comes from the right eye, its from happiness. But when the first roll is from the left, it is pain.
   But if you cry from both eyes at the same time, you probably stepped on a lego..
   
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6. Lacrosse97
   posted a quote
   February 6, 2013 1:06pm UTC
   LIFE'S GREATEST MOMENTS
   1. When you're telling a lie and your best friend notices and joins in.
   2. A friend calling you after a very long time just to hangout.
   3. Not having to set an alarm for the next day.
   4. When the radio station plays your favorite songs.
   5. Discovering your crush writes likes you back.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points
7. Lacrosse97
   posted a quote
   February 4, 2013 1:12pm UTC
   Let me know when you're available to chat again
   So I can make sure my phone is off
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points
8. Lacrosse97
   posted a quote
   February 4, 2013 1:09pm UTC
   Dear guy sitting next to me in class, I cans ee you copying off of my test.
   Sincerley, jokes on you, I didnt study either.
   
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9. Lacrosse97
   posted a quote
   February 4, 2013 1:06pm UTC
   WHO CARES WHO WON THE SUPERBOWL?
   I WAS ONLY THERE FOR THE FOOD AND THE COMMERCIALS
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 10 points
10. Lacrosse97
    posted a quote
    February 4, 2013 11:38am UTC
    I could never cheat in a realtionship...
    That would require TWO people finding me attractive....I can barely find one.
    
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11. Lacrosse97
    posted a quote
    February 4, 2013 11:36am UTC
    HAYLOR IMAGINE:
    Imagine Harry took you and Taylor to the Grand Canyon but you were stuck as the third wheel. You had secretley liked Harry ever since you layed eyes on him. Little did you know, He liked you too. When Taylor got to the edge, you pushed her over and she fell to her death. "Y/N!? Harry shouted. "Uh hi?" "THANK YOU" he got down on one knee and propssed and you two grew old together.
    NO HATE AGAINST TAYLOR, I JUST FOUND THIS FUNNY.
    
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12. Lacrosse97
    posted a quote
    February 4, 2013 11:33am UTC
    What do you like to do for fun?
    Well, Sometimes when I'm bored, I ball up on the floor and pretend I'm a crumb
    
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13. Lacrosse97
    posted a quote
    February 2, 2013 11:48am UTC
    A little girl wanted to buy Halo 4, but this lady came up to her and said 'video games are for boys" This lady had a box of trix in her cart so the girl grabbed the box and said "Trix are for kids!" and ran away with the cereal and the game.
    
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14. Lacrosse97
    posted a quote
    February 1, 2013 9:09am UTC
    If you are willing to sit in bed for 87 days, for a research on the effects of zero gravity on your body, NASA will pay you $15000.
    MOM, DAD, I JUST GOT A JOB AT NASA.
    
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15. Lacrosse97
    posted a quote
    February 1, 2013 9:06am UTC
    A young boy enters a barbor shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the Watch while I prove it to you." The barber pulls out a dollar in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the two quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the barber, "That kid never learns!" Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?" The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, The game is over!"
    
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16. Lacrosse97
    posted a quote
    February 1, 2013 8:50am UTC
    DID YOU KNOW...
    For at least 2 seconds, you were at once the youngest person in the world?
    
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17. Lacrosse97
    posted a quote
    January 31, 2013 10:30am UTC
    DID YOU KNOW...
    TACO CAT SPELLED BACKWARDS IS TACO CAT
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 19 points
18. Lacrosse97
    posted a quote
    January 31, 2013 10:27am UTC
    Waitress: Have I kept you waiting long?
    Me: No, but did you know that there are 3, 296 squares on the ceiling?
    
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19. Lacrosse97
    posted a quote
    January 31, 2013 10:25am UTC
    5 BEST THINGS TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK:
    1. They told me at the blood bank this might happen.
    2. The coffee machine is broken.
    3. Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot.
    4. Why did you interupt me? I almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.
    5. "...in God's name, Amen."
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 25 points
20. Lacrosse97
    posted a quote
    January 31, 2013 10:21am UTC
    Me: Hey Dad, Im suspended come pick me up...
    Dad: What did you do this time?
    Me: Nothing my teacher asked me a simple question and i gave a simple answer..
    Dad: What did she ask and what did you say and you're grounded...
    Me: She said "If i have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 bottles in my other hand what do I have?" i said a drinking problem..
    Dad: Your ungrounded for learning my smart-a$$ talent.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 35 points

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