here are some actual label instructions on products:
1. On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
3. On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
5. On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
6. On a Sears Hairdryer- DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
7. On a peanut packet- WARNING- CONTAINS NUTS.
8. On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT TRY TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS
9. On the package of a shower cap- FITS ONE HEAD.
10. On an iron packet- DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.
not mine