Elena12

Elena12
posted a quote
December 7, 2011 6:18pm UTC

Dear John,
Oh God, it's been three weeks already. Three of the worst weeks
in my entire life. I've been a zombie. A lifeless shell. My heart and
soul are both gone. They're still with you. I hope you're happy. The
thought of you being miserable is what scares me the most. I
don't know what you're thinking about anymore, cause you're not
here to tell me. Why am I having such a hard time letting you
go? I need you back, John.

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Elena12
posted a quote
December 3, 2011 3:58pm UTC

Dear John,
I had nightmares all night. I couldn't get your face out
of my mind. It's like it's permanently tattooed on the
back of my eyelids. Every time I close my eyes, I see
your face. Your beautiful face. I miss is so much. Is
this normal for me to be this messed up with you
gone? I feel like I'm becoming unrecognizable. It's
scary, John. I'd give anything to have just one
more day with you. Anything at all.
R.I.P.

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Elena12
posted a quote
December 1, 2011 7:00am UTC

Dear John,
It's December 1st, which obviously made me think of you. I remember how
much you loved winter time. My mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas
yesterday. I've been pondering that all night, and all I could come up with
was you. And I know that that sounds really corny, "All I want for Christmas
is you!" But it's true. I would give up anything just to have one more day with
you. Just to see you smile, so that wherever you are, I'd know you were happy.
It's really scary, because at first, everyone was really supportive. Everyone cared.
But now, people are starting to forget. They're all moving on, John. And I'm
not. I'm stuck, while they're all gliding forward. I don't want to move on. Not
yet. I want to keep you with me for as long as I can. Maybe I'm just crazy. But
I guess that's okay too. I miss you John. More than you'll ever know.
R.I.P.

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Elena12
posted a quote
November 30, 2011 4:49pm UTC

Dear John,
I fell apart today. I don't just mean crying, cause that's become a daily routine
for me. Nothing out of the usual there. I mean that I was close to a psychotic
break. We started our 'suicide prevention' unit today. And I just couldn't
handle it, the way they talked about suicide as if it were a crime. I found that
very offensive, but I held my tongue, just for you, John. I knew you would have
told me just to let it go. I think that Mr. Jones thinks I'm mental because of
the way I acted when he brought it up. I couldn't breathe, John. It was so
horrible. It made me think a lot about you though. Mostly about why you felt so
alone, so hopeless. Then I wondered how I could've missed all the signs. I saw
you everyday, and not once did I notice that you were acting different or
depressed. Not once did I suspect that your problems would lead to this.
What kind of friend was I? I'm so sorry that I couldn't help you. I'm so
sorry that I wasn't there for you when you needed me. I can't understand
why God would ever take you away from me. The only explanation I've been
able to even begin to accept it that he needed another angel. But why you?
Why so soon? I've been asking myself that a lot lately, why? I'll never
know, John. I'll never understand. I'm still not ready to let go of you.
R.I.P.

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Elena12
posted a quote
November 29, 2011 7:59pm UTC

Dear John,
Where do I even begin this long, and unbelievably painful letter? You should know that
I've been staring at this blank screen for hours, contemplating on whatI would say to you
if you were still here. I guess I'd start with I love you? Or maybe I'd yell at you, because
there's no denying that I'm angry at you for what you did. You had everything going for you.
I wish you'd realized that. It's been two weeks today. The initial numbness has worn off, and
in its place is a gaping hole. It's tearing me apart, not being able to see or talk to you. The other
night, I cried myself to sleep after listening to your voicemail 37 times. How pathetic is that?
Your absence is everywhere I look and you never leave my mind. You didn't want this.
I know you'd take it back if you could see how much pain and suffering you've caused
everyone. Didn't you realize how many people care about you. You were so loved. I've
been hanging out with your mom a lot lately. She's the only one who truly understands. She's
the only one who doesn't constantly tell me to move on. She's the only one who let's me be
miserable when we're together. She gave me that sweatshirt that you always used to wear.
I sleep with it because it still smells like you.
You'll never even begin to understand how difficult Thanksgiving was without you. It was
nearly impossible to gather around the table and think of something that I was grateful for.
I know that that's really awful, but that's just how depressed I am right now. How can I believe
in a God that could so easily take you away from me? I need you John. I thought you understood
that. I know that pretty soon, this nightmare's going to be over. I'm going to wake up and you're
going to be waiting with your arms open wide. I love you forever.
R.I.P.

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Elena12
posted a quote
November 23, 2011 11:48am UTC

I'm proud of my brother
>> but for Christmas<<
I want him to come home.
♥ here's to the soldiers ♥

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Elena12
posted a quote
November 22, 2011 9:35pm UTC

-•••••••••-
I'm trying really hard
not to cry over you..
because every tear is just a reminder that
I don't know how to let you go.
-•••-
format credit: ThatsSoMeee

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Elena12
posted a quote
November 16, 2011 8:05pm UTC

John, I can't breathe.
I need you. I didn't sleep last night, I couldn't get your face out of my mind. You're never going to leave my mind.
I miss you so much.

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Elena12
posted a quote
November 14, 2011 8:53pm UTC

& I don't get a smile anymore when you text me…
Ibecause I realized you say the same thing to every girl in your phonebook.

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