Best Yum Quotes This Week

Bec*
posted a quote
March 7, 2013 9:48pm UTC

PRINGLES: The only chip company in the world that doesn't sell air.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 355 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 20, 2013 8:08pm UTC

I wrote a song about a tortilla.
Actually, it's more of a wrap.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 191 points

Cammie
posted a quote
June 17, 2013 10:24pm UTC

don’t cry me a river.
that’s stupid as hell. cry me a milkshake

👍 this is good · read the comments · 191 points

yourcool
posted a quote
January 30, 2013 12:17pm UTC

waiter: have i kept you waiting long?
me: no, but did you know that there are 3,269 tiles on the ceiling?

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 184 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
May 10, 2013 6:08pm UTC

I need to start eating healthy,
but first I need to eat all the junk food in the house so it's not there to tempt me anymore.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 158 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
May 27, 2013 4:22pm UTC

What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 142 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 13, 2013 3:32pm UTC

Whoever snuck the "s" in "fast
food" was a clever little bas/tard.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 132 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
May 5, 2013 5:53pm UTC

I bet Chinese people go to
American restaurants and ask for a fork so they can show off to their friends.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 116 points

Chris*
posted a quote
October 14, 2013 6:52pm UTC

Me: I love--
Him: Me?
Me: Don't interrupt me, I was going to say ice cream.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 95 points

mollifers123
posted a quote
August 4, 2013 6:05pm UTC

I love sleep because it's like a time machine to
Breakfast.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 89 points

carson5482
posted a quote
May 15, 2013 4:13pm UTC

Me: I'm too full to eat anymore.
Food: You sure?
Me: No.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 88 points

Jordan.*
posted a quote
January 29, 2014 7:23pm UTC

I deserve a medal for making it
through this week without stabbing
someone with a fork.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 101 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
August 28, 2013 5:28pm UTC

If I was a cannibal, I'd work
at a tanning salon so I could watch my dinner cook itself.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 84 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 19, 2013 5:44pm UTC

Parenting is eating a dirt
covered banana your toddler serves to you and liking it to avoid a tantrum.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 83 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
August 28, 2013 5:23pm UTC

Working in an M&M factory
and throwing out all the W's

👍 this is good · read the comments · 82 points

carson5482
posted a quote
September 7, 2013 2:04pm UTC

I wish someone would look at me
the way that I look at Taco Bell.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 83 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 14, 2013 4:15pm UTC

Food puns are so annoying.
Clothing jokes are the best overall.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 78 points

Jordan.*
posted a quote
January 6, 2014 8:55pm UTC

Sleeping is the only time
to feel real freedom..
There's no rules
in dreaming.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 77 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 8, 2013 7:24pm UTC

My yard is full of bear traps
because I refuse to share my milkshakes.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 76 points

Jordan.*
posted a quote
January 27, 2014 7:59pm UTC

Happiness is a
choice, not a result.
Nothing will make
you happy until
you choose to be
happy.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 59 points

Witty Profiles

Best Yum Quotes This Week