Best Win Quotes Today

ThatsSoMeee
posted a quote
March 21, 2013 4:01pm UTC

You know
what makes me angry?
Sometimes I try really hard to look nice,
like I wake up and get motivated
and put on nice clothes and bracelets
and shoes and I feel good
And then, some girl wearing sweats and a messy bun
still look 40 times hotter than me.
I can't win.

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glitter162*
posted a quote
June 17, 2013 6:52pm UTC

In 1000 years, archeologists
will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment.

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glitter162*
posted a quote
June 23, 2013 5:45pm UTC

If I were the guy who made
the "Where's Waldo" books, I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn't there.

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LauzHeys
posted a quote
January 24, 2013 5:38pm UTC

Astronomy professor: Please explain the big bang theory.
Me:
Astronomy professor:
Me:
Astronomy professor:
Me:
Astronomy professor:
Me:
Astronomy professor:
Me: Our whole universe was in a hot dense state, then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started. Wait... the Earth began to cool, the autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools, we built a wall, we built the pyramids!! Math, science, history, unraveling the mysteries, that all started with the big bang! HEY!

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glitter162*
posted a quote
June 27, 2013 4:53pm UTC

Perks of not having a thigh gap:
When food falls in your lap, you can actually catch it.

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glitter162*
posted a quote
May 21, 2013 7:28pm UTC

I just realized why they call it
"The mall". Instead of going to one store, you go to "them all". Them all = The mall.
Clever...

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glitter162*
posted a quote
June 15, 2013 5:29pm UTC

Imagine if trees gave off
wifi signals, we would be planting so many trees and we'd probably save the planet, too.

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glitter162*
posted a quote
June 23, 2013 5:28pm UTC

When I die, I'm going to
invite everyone I ever knew to my funeral, and I'll make sure they play a remix of "Call Me Maybe", "Gangnam Style", and "Harlem Shake" and whoever sticks it out the longest is going to inherit everything I have.
Yes, I put the fun in funeral.

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glitter162*
posted a quote
June 14, 2013 7:13pm UTC

I'm just going to start carrying
around a voice recorder so that when someone makes a promise, I can record it and play it back to them later when they forget about it like people do in TV shows.

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glitter162*
posted a quote
July 18, 2013 4:13pm UTC

I want rich people problems.
Like where to park my yacht.

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glitter162*
posted a quote
September 13, 2013 4:37pm UTC

Me: Motherfu*ker
Dad: *walk in* You called?

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glitter162*
posted a quote
September 13, 2013 4:29pm UTC

The guy who created
knock-knock jokes deserves a no-bell prize

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Kaleidoscope Eyed*
posted a quote
July 1, 2013 10:19am UTC

There should be like a Witty Olympics or a Witty Challenge kinda thing
We would all gather and meet together and the challenges would be
-Putting a certain quote up the fastest
-Who can eat the jar of nutella fastest
- Who can stay inside with a limited amount of supplies the longest
- Who can figure out how to turn the wifi back on the fastest
- Who can groom a cat the fastest AND make the job done the best
-Who can smuggle food without getting caught
- And Who is willing enough to even come to these challenges rather than stay at home and be on Witty there.
1st place out of all the events combine - Witty Gold Medal, a personal visit from Steve, a Witty Olympic/athon Champion shirt,and a 5 year weekly supply of nutella
2nd- Witty silver medal, 1 year weekly supply of nutella, and a normal Witty Olympic/athon shirt
3rd- Witty bronze medal, 1/2 year weekly supply of nutella, and a normal Witty Olympic/athon shirt
The rest or anyone who participated would get a normal Witty Olympic/athon Shirt and a Kitty Kat Mr. Potato head.
:) LET THE WITTY GAMES COMENCE

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glitter162*
posted a quote
July 2, 2013 7:19pm UTC

Shoutout to Witty for being the
only website where you don't have to pay to upgrade anything.

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glitter162*
posted a quote
June 15, 2013 4:58pm UTC

I bet Rosa Parks killed it
in musical chairs.

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glitter162*
posted a quote
June 17, 2013 6:20pm UTC

Nemo actually appeared in
Monster's Inc as one of Boo's toys 2 years before "Finding Nemo" was released.

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glitter162*
posted a quote
September 13, 2013 4:31pm UTC

What the buffalo say
to his son when he left for college?
Bison.