I have made a lot of mistakes in my life.
I have gone too far, I have said the wrong things.
And God knows I have did the wrong things.
It's scary to think that last year, I never would have thought I would be here today.
I'm going to talk about serious things, right now.
In my life, alcohol and weed had been the two things I have ever done.
And I didn't even smoke or drink until I was in college or just graduting high school.
The night before last, I tried adderall.
I had a panic attack and cried until 6 in the morning.
My heart didn't relax until nighttime the next day.
But those thoughts, they will be in my head forever.
It was scary to realize that that's who I thought I was.
I was convinced every one hated me and that I was an awful person.
And I sort of am an awful person.
I just have to come to terms with that fact I guess.
It's not that it was all scary; it was just also traumatizing to have to see all your insecurities right in front of you.
I understand that for others it "works", and doesn't affect them they way it did with me.
But if you ever decide to do drugs, please be safe.
The only two good things that came out of this was that I got to talk to my friend from home.
And I finally got the courage to talk to someone who I owed a huge apology to.
And I wasn't expecting him to be so kind about it, but he reassured me that he wasn't ever mad at me.
And after I recieved that message, I finally felt okay to sleep for an hour or so.
Either way, other than this, the night was awful.
Please be safe and careful and cautious when trying drugs.