Inhisarms Quotes

Valery *
posted a quote
January 22, 2016 12:56am UTC

" just like everything else sleep is only temporary. that's
something many people don't understand. everything is only
temporary. they fall for the illusion that everything is infinite.
they seem to think that the people they trust now will be the
people who will never betray them. they like to think the people
they love now will always be there. I guess I was like that too,
a stupid fool. "
nmq

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AntisocialButterfly
posted a quote
May 3, 2014 10:32pm UTC

She's talking to Angels
Counting the Stars
Making a wish on a passing car
She's dancing with Strangers
Falling Apart
Waiting for Superman
To pick her up
In his arms

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*compassionate soul*
posted a quote
September 29, 2013 1:40pm UTC

He holds me the way the sun holds the moon ♥

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*♥︎Lady Ave♥︎*
posted a quote
May 12, 2013 11:00pm UTC

f o r m a t | s k a t e r r u l e s 2 3
My only wish is
to be in his arms.<3

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xxHelloLovelyxx

posted a quote
March 13, 2013 7:27pm UTC

in his arms
Chapter 65
The sixth day I went without eating was the day nobody left my side. We all sat in the living room together as Anthony recited a book aloud to us.
It was Stained, by Jennifer Richard Jacobson. As he retold the story, I was sort of swept back to San Salvador, where Anthony and I first lived together, where we first shared the same bed. Reflecting back, I realized those sixteen days were the happiest days of my life.
All because of Anthony.
My head was in his lap, and a warm blanket covered my body.
I wasn’t listening to his words anymore; rather I was focused on his face.
I remembered when Billy died, and how I spent days in my room, crying and alone. I hoped Anthony wouldn’t be like that over me. I hoped he wouldn’t cry over me. I spent the last four months of my life working so hard just to make him happy. I didn’t want to make him unhappy in any way now.
I’d seen him cry plenty of times since I became like this. He tried to be secretive with it, but wasn’t always successful. Even now I swore his eyes looked slightly glassier than they normally did.
I wasn’t afraid of death anymore. I guess in some respect I was, but not nearly as much as I had been. I’d grown to be accepting of it, and almost appreciative of it. It was some sort of escape from this pain.
I felt my breathing turn raspy, almost like my throat was closing. I tried to remain calm and slow my breathing. I hoped nobody would notice.
Of course, Anthony did. He only looked at me shortly. I tried to force a smile to tell him that I was okay, but my lips couldn’t manage a twitch.
I felt his breath on my face. He was warm and enchanting. I closed my eyes with the delight of his breath on me.
I heard him put the book down as he cradled me in his arms. I was in his arms, and I was okay.
I loved the feeling of being in his arms. His arms felt like home, like I belonged there, like they morphed perfectly to my body. Like they were made just for me. In his arms, I was fit. Invincible, even. And I loved it.
In his arms, I felt healthy, and he felt healthy beneath me. I felt no hindrances of chemotherapy or of leukemia, and every breath I took seemed fresher than the next.
I was strong again. I was resilient and focused, and life was breathed into me. I was vigorous. I had confidence.
I was safe. I was protected. Nothing could get at me; I wasn’t afraid. In his arms, I was fearless.
He created a shield around me by simply letting me swim in the perfection of his touch. In his arms, I was sheltered.
He took the weight of the world off of my shoulders by simply wrapping his arms around my body. We were okay now. I was okay now. Not even the illusory fear of death could penetrate the wall of protection Anthony’s arms created.
I loved his hugs. I felt needed, wanted. In his arms, I felt loved. Like I had a purpose. Like I was someone’s reason to smile, laugh, fight, live, even. I loved the feeling his arms brought over me.
He had a way of making me feel like I was on air, like I had no problems. He created a world of his own by wrapping his arms around me.
And I became breathless, weightless. I hadn’t any problems. I was lost again. It was amazing, how I felt in his arms.
And in his arms, I had purpose. I wasn’t worthless anymore. He filled the vacancy in my chest with an infinite love. He completed me.
In his arms, I was important. He made me feel special. His arms were weak themselves, but they made me feel so strong.
I was in his arms, and I was okay.
And just like that, the pain was gone. I felt healthy again, like I did the night we spent on the lake. The night I fell in love with him.
I was in his arms, and I was okay.
I couldn’t feel his touch on me anymore. I could only feel the water that surrounded me. It was warm and gentle and dark. It reminded me of the waters of San Salvador, and I imagined that the beach there would be my heaven. I bathed myself in the water.
I inhaled gently. My last breath.
I was in his arms, and I was okay.
The End.

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xxHelloLovelyxx

posted a quote
March 11, 2013 7:28pm UTC

in his arms
Chapter 64
I could feel it growing on me. It shadowed me, followed me everywhere. I was inhaling it, I slept in a pool of it. Every time I closed my eyes, it was there.
The death I felt around me was inescapable.
I hadn’t eaten in five days, and I hadn’t left the couch in three. Anthony stayed with me, unmoving. He could tell, everyone could tell.
Anthony had become more open about death. He’d began to understand that while this wasn’t entirely what I wanted, that it was my own decision, my own doing.
“I’ll miss you,” I offered in a room flooded by silence.
His features hardened. “Kaitlyn, stop.”
He was still uncomfortable discussing death. I suppose I should’ve been more considerate of him, but I was thinking selfishly.
“Stop what?”
“Stop trying to say goodbye. It’s not over yet.”
“Anthony, I’m tired.” His eyes met mine. “I will miss you, though.”
He dipped his head again. “Not half as much as I’ll miss you.”
I shrugged. “I’m nothing special. You’ll get over me.”
“I won’t, Kaitlyn.”
“What’s there to miss?”
Almost immediately, he snapped, “I’m going to miss the way you walk. I’m going to miss the way you speak, the way you treat everyone so gentle.” His voice initially came out angry, but it had softened as he continued. “I’m going to miss the smell of your skin and the twinkling in your eyes when I can make you laugh. I’m going to miss making memories, like we’d done all summer. I’m going to miss kissing you and holding your hand. I’m going to miss wrapping you in my arms and feeling like a superhero because I was the one thing that could make the woman I loved happy. I’m going to miss your laugh and I’m going to miss knowing I was the reason behind your smiles.” His eyes met mine. A flow of tears streamed down both of our faces. “I’m going to miss having someone there. I’m going to miss having someone who’s proud of you, someone who’s always been there. I’m going to miss, well, everything, Kaitlyn.”
I couldn’t speak. The words wouldn’t come to me.
“I’m going to miss you, Kaitlyn. And to be honest, it f.cking p.sses me off when you put yourself down. You know how special you are to me. Don’t say you’re nothing special. You’re amazing.”
And suddenly, guilt overwhelmed me. “Anthony, I’m sorry,” I coughed through my sobs.
“Sorry about what?”
“Giving up.”
He shook his head. “You didn’t give up, Kaitlyn. You were such a fighter. I’m so proud of you. You know that, right?”
“I could’ve done one of the treatments. I could’ve been stronger—“
“A person can only be so strong for so long, Kaitlyn.”
I felt my body shudder. I couldn’t speak.
“Wherever you are, Kail,” he hummed to me, “wherever I am. I’m yours, remember? I always will be.” He looked me in the eyes. “So you can let go now.”
I'll post the last chapter tomorrow if this even pops up in your news feed.
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xxHelloLovelyxx

posted a quote
March 9, 2013 4:11pm UTC

in his arms
Chapter 63
“Do you remember that hello?” I asked him as I laid on the couch. Anthony sat on the chair beside me, his head in his hands, but with my words he was instantly alert.
“What?”
“That hello. That hello that started everything.”
And everything that we would become and endure all started with a very simple, “Hello.”
He grinned. “Of course I remember that hello.”
“The hello that started it all,” I breathed, closing my eyes.
He laughed shortly, sitting back in his chair. “What would we do without Nurse Martin?”
As I thought of her face, I couldn’t help but smile. “We wouldn’t be here, that’s for sure.”
“And that bucket list of yours wouldn’t be completed.”
I mused this for a moment. “Can you get that for me?”
“The bucket list?”
“Yeah, and a pen.”
So he did, and he returned with the paper. It was heavily torn now.
“Why’d you need that?”
“I have to cross off number three.”
“What’s that?”
My eyes met his. “Find the thing that makes me happiest.”
3. Find the thing that makes me happiest.
* * *
I had begun to eat less and sleep more, and I would grow sleepy at random times of the day. Like, maybe at around eleven in the morning, though I’d only been awake for three hours.
Everyone seemed to understand, and wanted to help out. My mother brought me lunches and Morgan and Aidan kept me occupied with stories and they attempted games, but the games only lasted as long as I could keep my concentration for.
Anthony was just always there.
We laid in bed together one night when I asked him, “When did you first realize you were in love with me?”
“When we were at Alex’s grandmother’s house,” he told me immediately, like an instinct. “When we both slept on the hardwood floors together and I woke up and you were still sleeping. I remember looking at you and thinking about how beautiful you looked.” He paused to look at me. “That’s when I first realized I was in love with you.”
I wanted to continue off of what he said; I wanted to branch off of it. But the only words that slipped from my lips were, “I’m afraid to die.”
I could tell he didn’t know how to respond, and I wish I hadn’t said it. I wish I controlled myself.
“Anthony, listen,” I sighed, deciding that there was no better time to say this than now. “I’m dying, and it’s kind of inevitable. But you’re not. You’re here, and you’re young, and you’re on the road to being healthy. So don’t stop living your life because I stopped living mine.”
His entire body stiffened. “What?”
“You told me death was a part of life. It is, it’s natural. It happens every day. The world doesn’t stop when someone dies. And you were right. So when I’m gone, you have to stay.”
Instead of replying with a spoken word, he answered with a tight squeeze of his arms around my thinning body and a kiss to my cheek. I took that as a goodnight, and I fell asleep peacefully in his arms.
So there are two chapters left. lol.
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xxHelloLovelyxx

posted a quote
March 4, 2013 7:34pm UTC

in his arms
Chapter 59
“Why?” Morgan questioned immediately.
“Well,” the doctor murmured, flipping through some papers, “we’ve noticed that the chemotherapy wasn’t helping your body, only hurting it.”
Morgan and I glanced to each other, sort of breathless. Her eyes darted back to the doctor.
“So why’d you keep her on the chemo for so long?”
“Because sometimes the blood tests reveal false success.”
“So what does that mean?”
“It basically means that we’ve been hurting her more than we’ve been helping.”
Their conversation seemed to echo around me. I couldn’t understand anything they were saying. I was completely lost in my own thoughts. Was I really dying? At sixteen, with so much life ahead of me? Was all that chemo treatment worthless?
Was I actually dying?
Morgan’s sharp words snapped me back to reality. “So not only is her time limited, but you’ve helped to decrease it?”
“No,” the doctor answered immediately. “No, there are other treatment options. We can do—“
“No,” I interrupted before he could start. “No, I don’t want any more treatment.”
Morgan’s eyes widened at me before looking coolly back to the doctor. “No, look, she’ll take the treatment—“
“No, I won’t, Morgan,” I hissed at her. “I’ve suffered enough. I don’t want my death to be dragged out any longer.”
Morgan trembled slightly in the seat beside me. “Kaitlyn,” the doctor hummed, “there are other options–”
“Stop trying to persuade me. It’s my body. I’ll do what I want. I don’t want any more treatment.”
“You’re young, Kaitlyn! Just think!” Morgan shrilled at me.
“I’m dying, alright?” I spat at her. As I said the words aloud for the first time, they finally hit me, just how real they were. “I’d rather spend the last few months of my life in peace than agonizing pain.”
"You don't have to die!" she shrilled.
"I want to be remembered as peaceful in my death, not haggard and barely breathing. I don't want any more treatment."
The room was silent for a while after that. The only thing heard was breathing.
“Okay,” the doctor said indefinitely. “No more treatments.”
“How long does she have?” Morgan asked. Her breathing trembled.
He shrugged. “It depends. It could be two months, it could be twelve years. I guess it’s all based on how her body reacts to the stoppage of the chemo. I mean, even by chance of a miracle, the cancer could go away.”
He didn't seem so confident in himself.
We were dismissed from the hospital that day, but I wasn’t leaving. I had a husband who was still in there fighting for his life, though mine was already limited.
* * *
A nurse appeared in the doorway of the small waiting room. “Miss Thompson?” she murmured gently, and I immediately stood. I’d been waiting for hours in the same chair, staring blankly at walls, my mind racing with a billion thoughts.
“Yes?”
“Come here. I’d like a word with you.”
So your thoughts? (:
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xxHelloLovelyxx

posted a quote
March 3, 2013 7:26pm UTC

in his arms
Chapter 58
“It’s a fourteen hour procedure,” the nurse informed both Anthony’s mother and I. We already knew everything we were being told, but we were listening to every word she said like our lives depended on it. “You’ll be able to see him tomorrow, or as soon as he’s stable.”
She said that like he was guaranteed to be stable again. I glanced over to him, my eyes burning from the stationary tears that waded in them.
He wasn’t nervous in the slightest. His eyes perked up to mine, and a grin stretched across his face.
“He’ll be all set to go home in about three to four days,” the nurse continued.
And suddenly, I hated the nurse. Just the sound of her voice made me want to cry.
I heard Anthony chuckle from across the room. “I’ll be alright, Kail,” he told me.
The nurse smiled to me. “He’s in good hands.”
Shut up, I wanted to say. Stop trying to act like he’s okay when you know all too well that he’s not. But all I could muster out was, “I know.”
She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, directing the smile to him now. “Are you ready to be taken into the operating room?”
I stood from my chair, my breath shortening as she wheeled his bed towards the door. I looked his entire body over and realized that this might have been the last time I’d ever get to see him. So I breathed in deeply and uttered an, “I love you.”
As the bed passed by me, I felt his hand brush mine as our eyes met. His were smiling, mine were miserable. “I love you too.”
* * *
It was the same day that Morgan had scheduled a meeting with my doctor. They had taken some blood tests, and they wanted to discuss the results with me.
Morgan and I waited in a familiar room together. I could’ve very well been in this room before, but at the same time, all the rooms looked the same.
“What do you think this is about?” I asked her.
Her eyes were on mine for a split second. “I don’t know.”
“When you were on the phone with them, did it sound like good news?”
“They didn’t tell me anything.”
“But their tone. Like, did they sound happy?”
“They sounded normal.”
She wasn’t being cooperative, so I sat back in my chair and waited. I was holding my breath, half because I was nervous about Anthony and half because I was nervous about myself as well.
Eventually, the doctor did enter the room. He greeted the both of us, and then, looking me dead in the eye, said, “So, Kaitlyn, we’re going to stop your chemotherapy treatments.”
Feedback, lovelies.
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xxHelloLovelyxx

posted a quote
March 3, 2013 4:00pm UTC

in his arms
Chapter 57
I drew another heart on the margin of the paper. It was riddled with them now; I drew to keep myself occupied.
“How much is left on that bucket list, anyways?” Anthony asked me.
I swallowed hard. “Two bullets.”
“What are they?”
“Numbers three and twenty-five,” I answered, hoping he wouldn’t push any further.
But he did anyways. “What are they, Kail?”
“Number three’s ‘Discover the thing that makes me happiest.’”
He grinned, closing his eyes gently. “And number twenty-five?”
I kept my eyes on the paper. “It doesn’t matter.”
He rolled his head to look at me, his brow furrowed. “Why won’t you tell me?”
“Because it doesn’t matter,” I repeated.
He exhaled shortly. “I’m your husband, Kail. Aren’t we supposed to trust each other?”
“Aren’t we supposed to have an idea of privacy?” After a moment, he grinned widely and I heard him laughing to himself. “What?”
“Kaitlyn, neither of us know what privacy is. Remember how be both broke into each other’s hospital rooms when we were clearly unwanted?”
I did remember that. I remembered first starting chemo and wanting nothing other than solitude but instead finding a boy who was there to keep me company. I remember pushing open Anthony’s bathroom door to find a blood-covered room and a trembling boy beside the toilet.
“So are you going to tell me number twenty-five, or no?”
“No.”
He snorted. “Now you know how I felt when you pestered me about not crying in front of you. Remember, at Alex’s grandmother’s house?”
I did remember. “You still haven’t cried in front of me.”
“We’ve been over this,” he moaned. “I don’t like to upset you.”
“Touché. That’s why I’m not telling you number twenty-five.”
“You won’t upset me. I’m hard to upset.”
I brought my eyes up to his. “To die around the people I love,” I told him.
“What?”
“Number twenty-five is to die around the people I love.”
He grimaced. “That’s on your bucket list?”
“It’s my bucket list,” I told him defensively.
He snorted. “That’s not the point of a bucket list.”
I glanced up to him. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that a bucket list should be written from an inspirational point of view. A bucket list should have a bunch of things that you want to accomplish in your life. A bucket list shouldn’t have things about your death. That’s not the point.”
I pushed my eyes back to the list. “I told you you’d get upset.”
“I’m not upset. I’m speaking logically right now.”
“Well, I didn’t ask for your opinion.”
He didn’t respond for a while, so I glanced up to him and found his eyes shut as he faced the ceiling, a solitary tear rolling down his cheek.
I knew I should’ve regretted telling him number twenty-five, but it was the first thing I said that allowed him to cry in front of me.
My brother had his championship basketball game today. He won, obviously.
But the refs had to talk to me for the second time this weekend about my 'over-supportive behavior.' lol I have no self control in those games.
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xxHelloLovelyxx

posted a quote
March 1, 2013 8:21pm UTC

in his arms
Chapter 56
“What are you thinking?”
My weary eyes found his as I sat in the chair by the window. The only time I’d left the chair all night was to get some water and to use the bathroom.
I sighed. “Nothing, to be honest.”
He grinned at me. “You’re exhausted.”
I shook my head. “I’m not.”
“Kaitlyn,” he moaned, “I know you better than you think I do.”
“I’m not tired. I’m okay, really.”
“You’ve been awake all night.”
“It doesn’t matter if I’m tired,” I growled, agitated now. “I don’t want to go to sleep.”
“Why not?”
My eyes found his. “I don’t want to leave you again.”
“I’m fine,” he promised soothingly. “Please, just go to sleep.”
After spending what seemed like forever gazing into his eyes, I felt myself drift off into the perfect tantalize that was sleep.
Sleep is death enjoyed. That’s a famous quote I heard somewhere, but I’m not entirely sure who said it. It’s completely true. Sleep is a momentary lapse in time where you are allowed to be gone. You’re allowed to be painless and possibly happy where you bathe yourself in your own fantasies. You don’t need to uphold the stress that is kept on your shoulders.
But it has to end. You have to wake up, you have to face reality eventually.
Just like everything else, sleep is only temporary.
That’s something many people don’t understand. Everything is only temporary. They fall for the illusion that everything is infinite. They seem to think that the people they trust now will be the people who will never betray them. They like to think the people they love now will always be there. I guess I was like that, too. A stupid fool.
Nothing is forever. Nothing is completely guaranteed. You are not promised tomorrow. The people you love are not promised tomorrow. Nothing is vowed and anything can happen.
I awoke with these thoughts in my head without the slightest idea of how they got there. The first sight I saw when I woke up was Anthony.
“It’s kind of upsetting,” I murmured to myself.
“What is?” he asked, overhearing me.
“The fact that nothing’s guaranteed.”
He pondered the thought for a moment. “Well, there is one thing.”
“What’s that?”
He rolled his head to look at me. “The only thing life guarantees is death.”
So my teacher, an author I'm in contact with, and the few editors I'm talking to are absolutely convinced I'm going to get my book published.
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xxHelloLovelyxx

posted a quote
February 28, 2013 9:01pm UTC

in his arms
Chapter 55
Before I could react, he blurted, “Just kidding. I’m just kidding, Kail. I know who you are.”
I couldn’t hold back my tears any longer. “Anthony!” I hissed, slapping his shoulder. “Don’t ever do that to me again!”
He flinched away from my touch, laughing shortly. “I was kidding! I’m sorry!”
I slumped into the chair beside his bed, too emotionally and physically drained to keep myself standing any longer. I buried my face in my hands. “Oh my God, Anthony. I’ve never been so scared.”
“Hey,” he crooned, placing a cold hand over my knee. “I’m alright. I was just screwiing with you.”
I tried to regulate my breathing, sitting back in the chair. I felt the tears streaming down my face as I inhaled another deep breath.
Inhale. Exhale. That was the only thing my mind processed.
“Well,” I heard the nurse say, “at least you got him to speak.”
“He’d been talking for a while,” the other nurse, who was a male, told her.
“Well, Anthony,” she huffed, “like I was just telling your mother and wife, you’ve just suffered a seizure.”
His face suddenly went grave and his eyes wide as he looked up to her. “Really?”
“Yes. We believe it’s from the brain tumor. As of right now,” she told him, shutting the door, “you’re lucky you can speak.”
His chest rose and fell in deep, smooth breaths. He looked away from everyone, making no eye contact.
“Now, our plan is to keep you in the hospital until your scheduled brain surgery. We understand that’s coming up fairly soon?”
“October 15,” he muttered lowly.
The ends of her lips turned up into a slight smile. “Well then, you’re here for two days. I would probably suggest that you don’t leave the room, or the bed, even. You really need to rest up, this is a big operation you’re having done.”
“Okay,” he grumbled, quite rudely.
“Well, how are you feeling now?” his mother asked; I could tell she was anxious to talk to him.
The nurses and I left them to have time alone together. I waited in a chair just outside the hospital room, afraid to leave him again. Just a few minutes later, his mother exited the room, tears staining her cheeks.
“He wants to see you,” she told me, smiling through her tears. So I stood from my chair and, without a word towards her, went into his room.
“I’m sorry, Kail,” he told me, his head bowed.
“Stop, Anthony. Really.” He gritted his teeth hard, clenching his fists into ballls. I took the seat beside his bed and placed a hand over his. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
I knew him too well. Smiling, I murmured, “No, I know what’s wrong.”
His eyes found mine. “What?”
“You’re so used to putting your illness in the back of your mind. You’re so used to thinking that you’re stronger than it, and you’ve never really considered the consequences. But today, today showed you you’re not as strong as you wish to be.”
He rolled his eyes, sighing heavily. “Reality really slaps you in the face when something unthinkable happens.”
“Well, reality knocked me out today,” I murmured, caressing his hand. “I thought I lost you.”
“I promised you wouldn’t lose me,” he breathed, flashing me a smile. “Not today.”
lol. did i scare you? (;
btw there's 10 chapters left just saying.
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xxHelloLovelyxx

posted a quote
February 28, 2013 5:34pm UTC

in his arms
Chapter 54
I threw myself from the horse, thudding against the ground pretty hard. But if I was in any pain, I didn’t notice it. I was too focused on Anthony.
I slid to my knees beside his pulsating body. His eyes were open but blank and his tongue was bleeding from being clenched between his teeth. He gurgled, sounding like he was being choked or drowned.
I noticed someone was screaming.
The trainer wasn’t beside me anymore, but even if she was, she wouldn’t have been much help. I was alone as I watched him shudder beneath me. His movements became slower and less intense.
And as my breath grew faint I noticed I was the one who was screaming.
The trainer returned to the yard to inform me she’d dialed the ambulance and they were on their way.
But I wouldn’t leave him, I wouldn’t take my hand off of his. Even when the EMTs did show up, I wouldn’t let our touch break. I couldn’t stand losing him.
I was told I wasn’t allowed in the ambulance with him, so I called Morgan. My hands shook and my breathing was jagged and stuttered, so it was a miracle that she even understood me.
I greeted Anthony’s mother in the waiting room. The doctors told me that he was unconscious, so I wasn’t allowed to be with him. They were still running tests on him to see what happened.
I paced back and forth, unable to stand still or even stop crying. Morgan and Aidan tried to comfort me, but I couldn’t even be touched.
Eventually, a female nurse came back into the waiting room. “He’s suffered a seizure,” she told me and his mother, leading us down a few corridors. “He’s conscious, but not exactly responsive. He’s not speaking.”
“Is he going to be okay?” I breathed.
“Well, we’d have to run more tests to determine that there are no long term side effects.”
“Oh my god,” I exhaled.
“Now, there’s a few things that could occur because of a seizure. He could have long term migraines, memory loss, lack of concentration, or paralysis.”
“Does he have any of those?” his mother asked.
“We don’t know yet.”
She brought us into an unfamiliar hospital room where I found him, laying on the cot. His eyes were dull and tired.
I forced a smile to choke down the tears. “Hi, Anthony,” I murmured through sobs.
He furrowed his brow at me. “Do I know you?”
idk about posting two chapters tonight. what do you think?
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xxHelloLovelyxx

posted a quote
February 27, 2013 8:53pm UTC

in his arms
Chapter 53
I was silent the entire car ride. I was still angry at Anthony for making me get up and ready.
“We’re gunna have a good day today, right?” he asked me, placing his hand face up between the two of us as we rode to the lessons.
When I only nodded my head and refused to place my hand on top of his, he reached over and took my hand anyways. A quirky grin found its way to his mouth, and then to mine as well.
As he focused back to the road, I noticed him blinking hard and squinting. That scared me. “Are you okay?” He didn’t respond to me. “Anthony?” I repeated. When he didn’t respond a second time, I panicked. “Anthony!” I yelped, and his head turned to me.
“Why are you yelling?”
My chest relaxed. “Well, you weren’t responding to me.”
“Were you even saying anything?” I nodded my head. “Oh, sorry.”
“Are you okay?”
He bobbed his head. “Yeah, I just have this massive headache.”
“Maybe…” I stammered. “Maybe I should drive.”
He gritted his teeth. “No. I’m fine.”
I didn’t want to make him any more upset than he already was, so I left it at that.
We pulled into the parking lot of the farm and we both left the car. Anthony approached me and slung his arm over my shoulder, but not affectionately. Like he was leaning against me for support. Like if I wasn’t there, he would’ve collapsed.
We checked ourselves in and signed a few papers before meeting a young, female trainer and her horses, Star and Dakota.
Star was pure white with a long, bushy tail. She was a little scrawny, but that was okay, because Anthony and I were too. Dakota was a caramel color with a platinum mane and tail and chocolate covered hooves. Dakota was the horse with the most energy, so I offered to take her.
Anthony allowed me to have the first turn. The trainer showed me how to adjust the saddle and board the horse. She instructed me on how to get comfortable and keep balance, and how to control the horse. As Dakota began picking up speed, I squealed faintly, giggling. My bright eyes glanced up to Anthony, who still stood in the barn. He was smiling as well.
I still rode Dakota while the trainer offered to help Anthony on his horse. I watched him as he took his first step, and his legs caved beneath him, and he fell to the dirt.
I felt my breath shorten. I wanted to get down, I wanted to help him. But I had no idea how to stop.
Instead the trainer went to assist him back to his feet. “Are you okay?” she asked him.
Something came out of his mouth, but it wasn’t English. It was incomprehensible gibberish.
So the trainer laughed shortly, clearly feeling somewhat uncomfortable. “Are you okay?” she repeated.
This time, he only stared at her for about five seconds. And suddenly, his body was in the dirt again as he convulsed and jerked around uncontrollably.
*preparing myself for the death threats*
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xxHelloLovelyxx

posted a quote
February 27, 2013 4:57pm UTC

in his arms
Chapter 52
I didn’t leave my room for three days.
I’d never lost someone close to me; I didn’t know how to cope.
It wasn’t until Anthony opened the bedroom door and came inside that I even spoke to someone since I found out Billy died.
“Come on, Kail,” he said.
“What?”
“Get up. We have those horseback riding lessons today.”
I only rolled my eyes at him and flopped over on the bed. I was shocked that he wasn’t coming to comfort me.
“Kaitlyn,” he sighed.
“Would you stop?” I demanded, angry now. “You’ve never lost someone close to you. You don’t know what this feels like.”
I heard his footsteps across the floor. “No, I don’t. I don’t think I ever claimed to know.”
“Then just leave me alone,” I growled through gritted teeth.
He took a seat on the queen sized bed we shared. “Kaitlyn, he’s gone. And it’s okay to feel sad and to mourn him, but life does go on. The world doesn’t just stop when someone dies.”
“I’m not done mourning.”
“Kaitlyn, death is a part of life. It happens every day. And I know it sucks. It sucks a lot. But what is sitting here moping going to do to help you?”
I pinched my eyes shut. “Anthony, I just want to be alone.”
“I know you do,” he murmured, putting a hand on my back. “But I’m not leaving. I love you too much.”
I felt a silent tear stream down my face.
“I know the only thing you want to do right now is lay here alone. But honestly, that does nothing. If anything, it makes you more upset. I know you don’t want to, but I promise you, Kail, if you come horseback riding with me, I won’t let you regret this.”
I rolled over again to face his eyes. “If I feel like this now, what if I lose you?”
His face grew hard. “Don’t think about that now.”
“How can I not? You mean more to me than anyone’s ever meant to me before. I can’t lose you.”
“You’re not going to,” he promised, taking my hand in his. “Not today.”
So I took his hand, and his advice, and I stood from the bed.
Billy is based off of a real person. His name is Connor, and he's an eighth grader in my school system. His father is the assistant super intendent, and because it's a small town, everybody knows him. They have a big walk for him every year called "Walk for Connor." But his little sister is in my little sister's basketball league. Last night, his sister and my sister played against each other in the championships, and he went (in a wheel chair with medical supplies, obviously.) But my sister went up to him an said, "Hi, Connor," and though he'd never met her before, he smiled back and said, "Hello." My sister's team won, the score was 8-7, so in the moment, I was so happy she won. But I saw Connor with his sister and he was congratulating her like she had one, and suddenly, I'd wished we'd lost. I cried a lot last night. idk.
We love you, Connor. Keep fighting buddy. This is for you <3
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xxHelloLovelyxx

posted a quote
February 26, 2013 7:41pm UTC

in his arms
Chapter 51
My eyes found his. He was grinning. “Damn, it’s almost here.”
“What?”
“The surgery. It’s so weird. I remember when I was first being diagnosed, and now they’re giving me surgery on it.”
I nodded my head. “Yeah.”
“It’s been a long road.”
“I bet.”
I felt his fingers intertwine with mine. “Glad I got to take the trip with you.” I shook my hand loose from his, and he frowned at me. “What?”
“Nothing.”
“Don’t do that. Tell me.”
My face hardened to keep myself from crying. “Sorry I’m not super excited about the fact that you’re going in to have a life threating operation done.”
“Hey,” he hummed, pulling my face to his. “Hey, I’ll be alright.”
“You can’t predict the future.”
He shook his head. “No, I can’t.”
“So you can’t say that you’re going to be okay.”
He bowed his head. “There’s no way I’m going to die. They’re got the best doctors working with me. Would you look on the bright side, Kail?”
“What bright side?”
“I’m getting treatment. I’m going to be better. After all this, I’m going to be better.”
“I hope so.”
He smiled, nudging me. “So, what else do you need to do for your list that we can do this weekend?”
I glanced down on it and breathed deeply before I said, “Horseback riding.”
“What?”
I pointed to the bullet. “Take horseback riding lessons.”
* * *
I slid down the hospital aisles that I knew too well and found the familiar door. I held the newspaper in my hand and tried to turn the doorknob, but found it locked for the second time that week.
There was a doctor passing in the hallways, so I pulled her aside. “Excuse me, but do you know if the little boy from this room switched rooms?”
She checked the room number. “Do you know his name?”
“Billy? He was twelve, he had red hair—“
“Oh, that little boy? The one who needed the lung transplant?”
My heart skipped a beat. Maybe he’d gotten it. “Yes, that’s him.”
Her face sort of sagged slightly. “I’m sorry, miss, but that little boy passed away earlier this week.”
*I don't notify, please don't ask.*

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xxHelloLovelyxx

posted a quote
February 26, 2013 4:19pm UTC

in his arms
Chapter 50
3. Make a difference in someone’s life.
The thud of heavy paper on the table in front of me startled me slightly, and the smell of newsprint blew into my face. I flinched backwards, almost spilling my water.
Morgan stood above me. “Read this,” she demanded, placing her hand over the newspaper.
Anthony ventured into the kitchen from the den. “Read what?”
I glanced up to her warily before exchanging my water for the paper. The first headline that I saw was;
HORRIFIC CRASH INJURES FANS AT DAYTONA.
I creased my brow. “Well, the car crash is sad, but kind of irrelevant, Morgan.”
She rolled her eyes and sighed heavily, shrugging a hip. “No, Kail, in the bottom corner.” She placed her finger over another, smaller headline. I had to brush her aside in order to read it.
‘THE READING TREE’ FOUNDERS TELL THEIR STORY.
My eyes widened as I read the article headline over again. Anthony stood over my shoulder now.
“Is that our interview?” Anthony asked suddenly, standing up straight.
“It sure is,” Morgan said coolly from the counter.
My eyes flickered up to Anthony’s. “Did we actually make the front page?”
“No, you didn’t,” Morgan told us. “The headline did. The rest of the article is on page 3.”
Anthony’s eyes found mine. “I’d still consider it as making the front page.”
We flipped open to page 3 to find the rest of our article. We must’ve read it five times over and over again, indulging in the fact that we had made the newspaper.
“Does Ben know?” I asked.
“I called him this morning,” Morgan said. “As soon as I read it. He said he’d already seen it, and he was so proud of the both of you.”
“I have to show Billy,” I hummed to Anthony. “I can’t wait to read this with him.”
Anthony smirked down on me. “You really love that kid.”
I grinned, my eyes tracing the paper over and over again. “He’s like a little brother to me now.”
He pulled out the chair beside me. “Well, you made the front page of the newspaper. Cross it off your bucket list.”
So I did. I found the list in my room and dragged the pen across another number.
22. Make the front page of the newspaper.
“You can’t have much more left on there,” Anthony told me.
I shook my head. “No, I don’t. There’re three bullets left.”
“Well, we need plans for the weekend. It’s the last weekend before my surgery.”
His words shook me. He needed brain surgery in order to remove the tumor. And I knew I should’ve been excited, and I knew that he was excited, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t even close.
I was so incredibly nervous that he wasn’t going to make it through the surgery. I was so scared that I was going to lose someone who meant everything to me.
I couldn’t lose him.
Can I just say real quick that I f.cking hate the police officers in my town.
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xxHelloLovelyxx

posted a quote
February 25, 2013 7:34pm UTC

in his arms
Chapter 49
I turned the doorknob of the small hospital room. On days that Anthony was unable to visit me, I visited Billy. He managed to keep my mind off things. He was the only patient I visited anymore. I always brought our book, but we never managed to read it together.
I opened the door and found four other people crowded around Billy’s bed. A large, bald man sat on the chair closest to his bed, and a thin, blond woman next to him. Two young children, a boy and a girl, played on the floor beside them.
Billy’s face lit up. “Hi, Kaitlyn.”
Both adults looked up to me with lively faces. “You’re Kaitlyn?” the woman asked.
My eyes met hers and I nodded. “Yes.”
Her face beamed a smile as she stood from her chair. “Oh, it’s a pleasure to meet you!” she squealed, pulling me into a hug. “We’re Billy’s parents.”
“Oh!” I exhaled. “It’s a pleasure to meet you too.”
“We’ve heard so much about you. I mean, wow. You’re an amazing human being, I have to say.”
“Oh,” I sighed, feeling color behind my cheeks, “I mean, I’m just getting by.”
“No,” his father said from the chair. “No, you’re doing so much more than that.”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I mean, I don’t think so.”
“This charity, the book drive?” his mother started. “What made you want to do that?”
I shrugged slightly, looking down to my hands. “Well, it wasn’t my idea. I met a soldier over the summer, and it was his idea. Not all the books are going to children in hospitals; some are going overseas to soldiers with nothing to do at camp.”
“Well, I mean, Billy is so thankful that he met you.” His mother was smiling back to Billy now.
I grinned at him, too. “And I’m so thankful I met him. He’s my only friend in the hospital now.”
Billy’s eyes were locked on mine. “I love it when she comes to talk to me.”
“I do too, Billy.” I laughed shortly. “Seeing you is the highlight of my day.”
“Mine too.” I noticed his voice was hoarse.
His mother looked back to me. “Billy hasn’t stopped talking about you. He’s mesmerized by you and all the work you’ve done.”
I shrugged. “I really haven’t done that much.”
His mother shook her head. “You’re too humble.”
I smirked lightly. “When I was really sick, my husband would come in to my hospital room or lay on my bed with me and just read or talk. It was so easy to get lost in his voice, and to forget about everything else.” I glanced up to Billy. “I just thought someone else deserved that feeling.”
“It’s not just that,” Billy told me. “You care, too.” He coughed once.
“Yeah,” I coughed, on the verge of tears. “Yeah, Billy, I do care. I care a lot.”
“You’ve really changed him,” his mother told me. “You’ve given him something to look forward to, something to smile about.” She looked back to me, her eyes glassy. “And as his mother, I’m not sure I could ever repay you.”
You only get one chapter tonight because you guys actually suck at giving feedback. You want two chapters tomorrow night? Yeah? Prove it.
& I went driving with my best b.tch through the city jamming out to "F.cking Problems" and "Mercy" with the base cranking, flipped off some lame-a.ss hoes, and flirted with a hella cute guy. I'd call this a successful Monday, wouldn't you?
*I don't notify, please don't ask.*

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xxHelloLovelyxx

posted a quote
February 24, 2013 9:26pm UTC

in his arms
Chapter 48
“Do you think anyone really cares?” Billy asked, interrupting me between chapters. I noticed he did that a lot. He’d rather listen to my life philosophies than the story.
My eyes found his. “Cares about what?”
“Me being sick.”
I shut the book and placed it on the table. “Of course people care.”
“I feel like people only act like they care. Or they only do it for the attention.”
“What do you mean?”
“Like when girls come to visit me. I feel like they only do it so they can post pictures on Facebook just to say that they hung out with the kid who’s in the hospital.”
“Girls come to visit you?” I murmured, smiling. He nodded, only making eye contact for a split second. “That’s sweet.”
He shrugged. “I guess.”
I contemplated my next question for a moment. “Why are you in here, anyways?”
“Collapsing lung,” he told me. “I’ve had it ever since I was little.”
“What are they treating you with?”
“Different medicines that work with my lungs. And a breathing tube,” he said, pointing to the tube.
“Can it be cured?”
“No.”
My heart dropped instantly. I didn’t know what to say to that. What do you say to a child who knows they’re doomed? How do you help them? He was only twelve.
“I’m getting a lung transplant, though,” he announced.
A slight relief took a bit of pressure off my chest. “Well, that’s good. When?”
“Early January, they’re assuming.”
“Early January?” I breathed. “That’s three months.”
He nodded. “Well, I’m fourth on the list for people who need a transplant. That’s just an assumption.”
“So it could be sooner,” I offered.
“Or later.”
I took a deep breath before saying, “Hopefully sooner.”
I had to make myself think like that. I couldn’t let myself love someone else who was so incredibly close to death.
How unfortunate it is, to love something death can touch.
Good news: The lab report is done. I give it an A-.
Other news: I'll be writing more of my next story tonight. Holla ~
*I don't notify, please don't ask.*

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xxHelloLovelyxx

posted a quote
February 24, 2013 5:57pm UTC

in his arms
Chapter 47
Anthony sat in the cafeteria with me in the seat by the window. Even though he wasn’t a patient at the hospital anymore, or at least for the next few weeks, he still came to have lunch with me.
I was envious of him. Since he wasn’t on chemotherapy, he was allowed to eat anything he d.mn well pleased. And I was sitting here, gulping down nuts and vegetables. He was humble about it and never ate anything I couldn’t in front of me, despite the fact that I told him he could’ve if he wanted to.
In the lighting of the café, I noticed slight peach fuzz lining his chin. “Are you growing a beard?” I questioned.
He grinned widely, rubbing a coarse hand over the chocolate hairs on his chin. “I was considering it.”
I widened my eyes and giggled at him. “You’re ridiculous.”
He stretched his arms behind his head, still smiling. “I love hair. I missed this.” He drew his fingers through his now lengthy locks.
I prodded a blueberry with my spoon. “I miss that.”
His smile instantly vanished. His eyes were locked on me. “Well, if it makes you sad, I’ll stop,” he offered.
I spun to face him again. “Anthony,” I sighed.
“Kaitlyn,” he moaned back. He leaned forward and moved himself closer to me, smiling again.
“Would you stop making every decision off of what I want? It’s your life. Do what you want.”
“Don’t you get it, Kail?” he breathed, sitting back again. He grinned to the ceiling.
“Get what?”
He rolled his head to show me his smile. “You’re the reason I’m even living anymore.”
Before I could even react, a voice interrupted my thoughts. “Hello,” a man said from behind me, so I spun quickly. He wasn’t looking at me, or talking to me, rather to Anthony. “Are you Anthony Thompson?”
Anthony wiped the smile off his face and sat forward. “Yes.”
“And you must be Kaitlyn…?” the man said to me. He held a notepad, and the man behind him held a camera.
I nodded, my eyes darting back and forth between the both of them. “Kaitlyn Thompson, yes.”
“Oh, we didn’t realize you were siblings.”
“Not siblings,” I corrected. “Married.”
Both men looked to the other before back to us with smiles. “We understand you’re the founders of The Reading Tree?” he asked, beaming a grin at us.
“No,” Anthony answered quickly. “No, that was Benjamin Garcia.”
They exchanged glances. “Well, co-founders.”
“Why does it matter?”
“We’d like to interview you about the charity.”
I saw Anthony glance over at me before back to the men. “What for?”
They smiled. “Well, the public loves this stuff. Wouldn’t you like more recognition?”
“We’re not in it for the fame,” Anthony told them.
“So are you denying the interview?”
Anthony looked to me. “What do you think?”
I smiled at him, and then back to the reporters. “I think if they have questions, they deserve answers.”
So I have a lab report due tomorrow that I had all vacation to do and it's not even started. Hopefully between now and the time I post the second chapter tonight it'll be done.
Oh and sorry for the boringness. The next chapter is like this too ):
But I've written 4 chapters of my next story today, and I'm currently working on Chapter 8. It's not as good as this one. Sorry if you hate it ~
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