Best Ifunny Quotes Ever

yourcool
posted a quote
February 26, 2013 4:18pm UTC

does anyone ever see things in their dreams
and then later in life see the exact same thing and freak out for a couple of seconds?

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yourcool
posted a quote
February 4, 2013 4:02pm UTC

i could never cheat in a relationship.
that would require TWO guys finding me attractive. i can barley find one.

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yourcool
posted a quote
May 27, 2013 8:52pm UTC

i bet our entire universe is just
in a tiny glass jar placed neatly on a shelf in an alien child's room as a science project he got a C- on

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yourcool
posted a quote
June 30, 2013 5:07pm UTC

it's nice when someone can reply to
your sarcasm with sarcasm instead of just getting offended.

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yourcool
posted a quote
February 4, 2013 3:59pm UTC

i have better taste than most people.
i just don't have the money to prove it.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 346 points

yourcool
posted a quote
March 29, 2013 9:28pm UTC

so this girl in gave attitude to my teacher today:
girl: *rolls her eyes.*
teacher: yeah keep rolling your eyes, you might find a brain back there.

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yourcool
posted a quote
February 16, 2013 1:18pm UTC

if you don't come home and immediatly either
take off your pants or change them into pajamas than i'm sorry but you're living life wrong.

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yourcool
posted a quote
April 1, 2013 7:04pm UTC

having a crush is like having that
little piece of rock stuck in your shoe and you stop walking and shake it out and you're pretty sure it's gone but then like a half an hour later, you feel it in under your toe and you're like oh no.

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yourcool
posted a quote
February 5, 2013 6:43pm UTC

facebook would be much more interesting if
they let you choose what part of the body you wanna poke.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 286 points

yourcool
posted a quote
January 30, 2013 12:22pm UTC

my bed time is at 7:00, but i got to bed at 7:05.
THUG LYFE.

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yourcool
posted a quote
February 4, 2013 4:04pm UTC

we have enough gun control.
what we need is idiot control.

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yourcool
posted a quote
February 26, 2013 4:00pm UTC

*tries to make messy bun 8 times*

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yourcool
posted a quote
February 16, 2013 1:11pm UTC

my ceiling fan has three settings:
1. barley moving
2. kinda feels like it's working
3. is going to fly off the ceiling and kill someone in a freak Ceiling Fan Accident.

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yourcool
posted a quote
April 11, 2013 8:05pm UTC

if you ever think you've made bad decisions,
just remember what it must feel like to be one of the 12 publishers that turned down Harry Potter.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 237 points

yourcool
posted a quote
February 26, 2013 3:58pm UTC

i like those friends that you don't have to
talk every day but you're still friends even if you go weeks without talking.

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yourcool
posted a quote
February 26, 2013 4:13pm UTC

is there any way to eat a lollipop
that is non-sexual?

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yourcool
posted a quote
March 29, 2013 9:31pm UTC

I really hope this catches on.
"We were in a small coffee shop.
Two customers arrive.
"5 coffees. 2 for us, 5 pending."
They pay for the 5, they only recieve two.
"Whats a pending coffee?" someone asks.
"Wait and see."
More customers.
Two girls get coffee, they pay normally.
After a while, 3 lawyers ask for 7 coffees.
They only drink 3, but paid for the 7.
While we we talking, a poor man enters the shop.
With a soft voice he asks, "Do you have any pending coffee?"
This type of charity was born in Napoli (Naples, Italy).
People pay with anticipation fir the coffees and even meals
for others who cannot.

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yourcool
posted a quote
March 17, 2013 5:46pm UTC

single (noun);
a man who makes jokes about women in the kitchen.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 226 points

yourcool
posted a quote
March 19, 2013 7:56pm UTC

just bought a cd of ice cream van music.
now i drive with the stereo full blast, watching the disappointment on everyone's faces.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 221 points

yourcool
posted a quote
April 21, 2013 4:05pm UTC

being a canadian sounds confusing.
because you sound like an america, write like a brit and throw in just enough french words to freak everyone out.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 220 points

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Best Ifunny Quotes Ever