wittyfan's Favorites

posted a quote
January 1, 1970 12:00am UTC

This quote does not exist.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 95 points

^_^*
posted a quote
November 15, 2013 2:52pm UTC

Parents notice your fake friends before you do.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 68 points

BravoSierra
posted a quote
November 4, 2013 12:57pm UTC

person: i like your name
me: thanks. i got it for my birthday.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 106 points

BlackButterflies
posted a quote
August 20, 2013 1:07am UTC

teacher: "you kids need to stand in the sun and get some vitamin D in you!"
eoghan: *shrieks and runs towards a distant patch of sunlight* "I WANT THE D!"
teacher: "what's he doing?"
me: "...he's chasin' down the D, ma'am"
eoghan: "SWEET JESUS THAT D IS AMAZING!"
eoghan: "I LOVE THE FEELING OF D ON MY FACE"
teacher: "what."
eoghan: *shrieks again and runs inside* "TOO MUCH D, TOO MUCH D!"

👍 this is good · read the comments · 221 points

writtenrain*
posted a quote
August 20, 2013 9:58pm UTC

I find it really funny how parents think that
the internet is full of middle aged men that are obsessed with teenage girls when really it's the other way around.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 17 points

jimmy365
posted a quote
August 20, 2013 12:26pm UTC

do you ever
get a weird crush on someone that’s not even attractive but you’re just attracted to them and you don’t know why
f o r m a t j i m m y 3 6 5 n m q!

👍 this is good · read the comments · 511 points

CookieMonster09*
posted a quote
August 18, 2013 7:17pm UTC

maybe this year i'll find a boyfriend *audience laughs in the background*

👍 this is good · read the comments · 80 points

*Elena;~ ♥*
posted a quote
August 18, 2013 8:27pm UTC

When ever I use hand sanitizer I always use
two squirts
so it kills 199.8% of germs instead of just 99.9%

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 132 points

Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
August 18, 2013 10:37pm UTC

You are a freaking white girl who lives in the suburbs. If I see you post a picture on Instagram of you and your fellow white girl friends with the caption "I miss my n.ggs" or "my n.ggers" or "with the n.gg" or "look at this n.gger" or anything like that, I will slap the fake tan off of you.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 166 points

SalemSoto
posted a quote
August 18, 2013 6:59pm UTC

Not having a thigh gap saved my phone from falling in the toilet.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 185 points

lovecrazy
posted a quote
August 19, 2013 6:09pm UTC

You don't need anyone,
who doesn't need you.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 66 points

chubbybunny27
posted a quote
February 1, 2012 12:02am UTC

i want to fall in love. . .
I want to be walked to class every day.
I want to be held.
I want to be kissed.
I want to be texted every day.
I want to get butterflies when I think of him.
I want to be called beautiful.
I want to stop feeling left out.
I want something real.
I want love.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 332 points

dolph*
posted a quote
August 16, 2013 2:03pm UTC

two vampire friends lying on the floor getting drunk and describing eachother
because they can’t use mirrors don’t even try to tell me that isn’t adorable

👍 this is good · read the comments · 258 points

^_^*
posted a quote
August 16, 2013 1:27pm UTC

i'm not mad at you like i should be, i'm mad at myself for caring too much.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 38 points

jimmy365
posted a quote
September 17, 2012 5:02pm UTC

do you ever
FEEL BUGS ON YOU WHEN THERE ARE NO BUGS THERE?
T H E Y ' R E T H E G H O S T S O F B U G S Y O U ' V E K I L L E D

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1700 points

ThatsSoMeee
posted a quote
August 19, 2012 4:03pm UTC

Pick her up
and pretend you're going to throw her in the pool.
She'll scream and fight you,
but secretly, she'll love it.
Hold her hand while you talk.
Hold her hand when you drive.
Just hold her hand.
Tell her she looks pretty.
Look her in the eyes when you talk to her.
Protect her.
Tell her stupid jokes.
Tickle her, even when she says stop.
When she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her.
Let her fall asleep in your arms.
Get her mad, then kiss her.
Tease her and let her tease you back.
Kiss her on the cheek.
Kiss her on the forehead.
Just kiss her.
Let her wear your clothes.
Go slow.
Don't push anything.
When you fall in love with her, tell her.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 2204 points

Jake_from_State_Farm
posted a quote
August 15, 2013 9:38pm UTC

Flo from Progressive is in a relationship with Jake from State Farm
♥ Like· Comment · See Frendship · 7 minutes ago
3,506 people like this.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 110 points

Breeze
posted a quote
August 15, 2013 7:14pm UTC

Henry: There's a hole in my bucket.
Liza: Then mend it.
Henry: With what shall I mend it?
Liza: With a straw.
Henry: The straw is too long.
Liza: Then cut it.
Henry: With what shall I cut it?
Liza: With a knife.
Henry: The knife is too dull.
Liza: Then sharpen it.
Henry: On what shall I sharpen it?
Liza: A stone.
Henry: The stone is too dry.
Liza: Well wet it.
Henry: With what shall I wet it?
Liza: Try water.
Henry: In what shall I fetch it?
Liza: In a bucket.
Henry: There's a hole in my bucket.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 105 points

pinkneonlights_
posted a quote
August 15, 2013 3:30pm UTC

do you ever just want to scream “NO ONE F.CKING LIKES YOU” in someones face

👍 this is good · read the comments · 73 points

Travis Allred*
posted a quote
August 9, 2013 9:33pm UTC

People change for one of two reasons:
1. They have learned a lot
or
2. They have been hurt too many times

👍 this is good · read the comments · 103 points

Witty Profiles

wittyfan