last night was bad.
I got into one of my super depressed moods while I was laying on my bed. Usually I'll cry a little, but my thoughts are what kill me. Well, instead of that, I just broke down bawling, and couldn't stop. my thoughts were going crazy, everything from "if I died now it wouldn't matter" to "just do it now and get it done with". and I almost did. I got up and grabbed my pills, vodka, and blade. I started cutting, which I have stopped doing for a WHILE. I drank some vodka, and started to open the pills. then I stopped. I put them away and sat down again. I started crying even harder solely because I'm having these thoughts. I calmed down a little bit and drifted into sleep.
no one knows this, not even the guy I'm talking to. my close friends and him know I have depression, but they never know how bad it gets. the guy I'm talking to knows a lot, but he doesn't know that I've started to end it a few times. I needed to let it out, and Witty has always been here for me, so here I did it.
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