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Satire Quotes

  1. celestialerror* celestialerror*
    posted a quote
    May 28, 2015 1:59pm UTC
    i. smaller portion sizes are important. so try to only drink one bottle of whiskey before bed, rather than your usual two.
    ii. eat lots of vegetables! don’t even bother taking your medication; you’re sick because you don’t eat enough salad.
    iii. don’t forget (like you could, with every single person you encounter reminding you), exercise is key. you want to kill yourself because you don’t go jogging enough. when you get the urge to go and stand on the ledge of your roof, and jump…take the stairs!
    iv. don’t forget to put everything in perspective. remember, you can only be sad if you have it worse than every other person in the whole god damn world! don’t you remember? this is all one big competition about who life can fück over worse.
    v. the most important thing to remember is…just be better! your feelings are totally something that you can pick and choose. if you don’t want to be sad anymore, just stop being fücking sad! if you’re anxious, you just need to relax! because remember, friend, your depression is making everyone else around feel uncomfortable (and we mustn’t have that!), so you just have to be happy!
    "the five steps of being happy" by (DS)

  2. Leondoor Leondoor
    posted a quote
    February 24, 2013 10:20pm UTC
    Humanity: We come together to fall apart.

:)

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