in his arms
Chapter 64
I could feel it growing on me. It shadowed me, followed me everywhere. I was inhaling it, I slept in a pool of it. Every time I closed my eyes, it was there.
The death I felt around me was inescapable.
I hadn’t eaten in five days, and I hadn’t left the couch in three. Anthony stayed with me, unmoving. He could tell, everyone could tell.
Anthony had become more open about death. He’d began to understand that while this wasn’t entirely what I wanted, that it was my own decision, my own doing.
“I’ll miss you,” I offered in a room flooded by silence.
His features hardened. “Kaitlyn, stop.”
He was still uncomfortable discussing death. I suppose I should’ve been more considerate of him, but I was thinking selfishly.
“Stop what?”
“Stop trying to say goodbye. It’s not over yet.”
“Anthony, I’m tired.” His eyes met mine. “I will miss you, though.”
He dipped his head again. “Not half as much as I’ll miss you.”
I shrugged. “I’m nothing special. You’ll get over me.”
“I won’t, Kaitlyn.”
“What’s there to miss?”
Almost immediately, he snapped, “I’m going to miss the way you walk. I’m going to miss the way you speak, the way you treat everyone so gentle.” His voice initially came out angry, but it had softened as he continued. “I’m going to miss the smell of your skin and the twinkling in your eyes when I can make you laugh. I’m going to miss making memories, like we’d done all summer. I’m going to miss kissing you and holding your hand. I’m going to miss wrapping you in my arms and feeling like a superhero because I was the one thing that could make the woman I loved happy. I’m going to miss your laugh and I’m going to miss knowing I was the reason behind your smiles.” His eyes met mine. A flow of tears streamed down both of our faces. “I’m going to miss having someone there. I’m going to miss having someone who’s proud of you, someone who’s always been there. I’m going to miss, well, everything, Kaitlyn.”
I couldn’t speak. The words wouldn’t come to me.
“I’m going to miss you, Kaitlyn. And to be honest, it f.cking p.sses me off when you put yourself down. You know how special you are to me. Don’t say you’re nothing special. You’re amazing.”
And suddenly, guilt overwhelmed me. “Anthony, I’m sorry,” I coughed through my sobs.
“Sorry about what?”
“Giving up.”
He shook his head. “You didn’t give up, Kaitlyn. You were such a fighter. I’m so proud of you. You know that, right?”
“I could’ve done one of the treatments. I could’ve been stronger—“
“A person can only be so strong for so long, Kaitlyn.”
I felt my body shudder. I couldn’t speak.
“Wherever you are, Kail,” he hummed to me, “wherever I am. I’m yours, remember? I always will be.” He looked me in the eyes. “So you can let go now.”
I'll post the last chapter tomorrow if this even pops up in your news feed.
*I don't notify, please don't ask.*
Christina*
xxHelloLovelyxx