Have you seen the show Dexter? Im on season four; hes a murderer. Hes trying so hard to keep his, "addiction" to himself and trying so hard to make the world see hes a normal, happy, person. I find myself trying to make everyone around me see me as the girl I used to be. Always ambitious, outrageous, and just happy. I guess some days are better than others, but isnt that normal? Do you know what those 'better' days did to become considered to be better? Id consider a better day to be when I wake up and dont want to just go right back to sleep. A better day would consist of me wanting to get up and clean my home, to want to take Daisy on a walk, to actually do something with my hair / makeup. After I saw you last it sparked something within me. Ive been getting up at a decent time, not sleeping so much. Ive been doing my hair. My makeup. Being productive. Its only been a few days but I havent smoked a cigarette. I covinced Jon to get me a vape pen. Hooked on that but atleast its not as destroying as a cigarette. Ive been drinking, but only getting drunk to get to sleep. Uhm, an earphone always seems to be glued into my ear, and since I havent been doing any drugs my minds racing with thoughts on what I could be doing. What Id be doing if we never broke up always seems to be the subject at the end of every path my brain takes. Enough of this crap; listen to Treat Me Like Somebody - Tink ; if you havent heard it already. (Sat @10:09 pm)