I want you to know that it is not always easy to love me.
In fact, it’s probably never easy to love me. Not even for a
second. I’m hard to love, 'cause sometimes my heart fills with
so much emptiness that it’s hard to breath. And sometimes my
mind wanders out to the extreme and brings back emotions I
thought would be gone. My point is I’m not easy to love, and if
you can’t love me when I don’t talk to you for three days
because I’m just so depressed that getting out of bed is hard
then you are not fit to love me. If you can’t love me when
I’m warm & happy at 2 pm then you can’t love me when I’m
cold & harsh at 4 am. I need a lover who knows how to love me
when I’m sad because the fact is I can’t do this on my own.
Even if I say I can, I know deep down I can’t. And I don’t
want to do it all alone which is what I’ve been doing for the
past 18 years of life I’ve had. So please, if you’re gonna
love me when I’m happy and sweet and spilling I love you’s
out like it’s your name then you’re gonna have to love me
when I’m on my bathroom floor crying, too tired to move, scared
of what I’ll do. You’re gonna have to hold me. You’re gonna
have to tell me it’s gonna be okay even if you don’t think it
is. You’re gonna have to tell me that even in this mist of
sadness that I have you. That I’m not alone even though I feel
like I am 99% of the time. So please, please, please be careful
with my heart. It’s been broken so many times and sure I’ve
always put it back together but my kindness is growing weaker
with every I love you that is met with a “goodbye, you
weren’t enough.” So all I ask is think. Please think for a
good 10 minutes of this, if I’m what you want. If you can
handle this. If you choose to stay I promise I’ll love you the
same each day. I promise I’ll love you when you are down about
life and I promise I’ll love you when you are so joyful that it
hurts to smile because you’ve been doing it all day. I promise
I’ll love you with everything I have which isn’t much but I
hope it’s enough. I hope I’m enough. So when you figure
everything out let me know. I’ll be waiting.