You know what it feels
like?
Its like there's a hand reaching right inside of
you,
grasping your heart and tearing it into a million
pieces.
It's
like every time I think of him
it feels like I'm winded,
all the air in my lungs is knocked right out of
me.
There were so many
more things I wanted to say to you,
we were going to get married and move into a house in the
countryside
with a pool, two kids and a dog
and we were going to grow old together.
And now we can't.
It's that simple.
I would
give anything to just spend one more day with you,
we could go to that clearing in the woods that you loved
and swim in the lake and lay out under the stars,
just watching the world go by.
You would
lean over and kiss me
and I would tell you how much I love you
and how I never ever want to be apart from you.
You see, the thing is, if it had all ended in a
fight,
at least I would have gotten some closure
and understood why it had to end,
but now I'm just left with the thoughts
of the infinite possibilities of what could have
been.
It
reminded me so much of when my mom died,
my dad stood above her, beating her again and again
and there was nothing I could do about it.
I couldn't save my mom and I couldn't
save the love of my life,
some of this must be to do with me,
so I'm so so very sorry.
I can't even put into words how much I miss you
and it makes me cry every time I try,
but don't feel bad.
It wasn't your fault.
Please don't drink and drive,
it costs lives.
John Jacob Rollins
3/7/1997-5/10/2013
I love you
xx
