JUST BTW.
if you're ever giving someone "advice" about their writing, don't ever take something they just wrote and give them an example of how to "improve" it. Like if they put, "The rain blew about the lake in sheets of watery silver." Don't go, "well gee, that was good, but you need more description, like maybe: "The rain blew softly about the lake, in tentative sheets of watery silver, floating on the wind in the colorless escapade of a ferocious storm.""
want to know why? it's freaking INSULTING. like HAHA HEY THIS SUCKS LET ME SHOW YOU HOW TO FIX /YOUR/ WRITING.
Don't ever do that. Especially if they didn't ask for advice.
we've all done it. let's just try not to do it again.