☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾ I've been thinking about your kiss pressed to the flat of my shoulder blade at 3 a.m., and what forever feels like, and what the difference is between the two. I remember standing in the snow, both of your hands encasing mine, with all of our promises in our palms. They were precious, and sparkling, and we kept them warm. I want to worry about white bedsheets, and burning dinner, but I don't know how to do that when I'm worrying about getting through each night. I still have the picture from the night you tried to save me. I'm sorry, it didn't work. ☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾
I went on vacation for a week because my sister and her girlfriend came home to get married and it was kinda a big deal. I told my boss that it was fine if I couldn't get the entire week off, just as long as I had the wedding day off. she gave me the whole week. now she is sending me comments like "cyrstal refuses to work another 14 hour shift because she did all last week just so you could have off." like, you can't give me days off where I offered to work and then make me feel bad for having off. time to start filling out applications again.
so, apparently even tho at 17 you need an adult with you to go to the doctor's because you aren't an adult, you're adult enough to be charged $301 for that appointment and have it haunt you and your credit score years later when you're an actual adult.
when the guy you fancy is working on your car and you're trying to help (by picking up things he drops because you lack any real skills), but instead you accidentally slam your head into car door mirror a few times (as in more than once) and get stung on the a.ss by a bee (because why not?)
so my mom told me she paid all my doctor bills from forever ago when I didnt have a job, and I havent gone to the doctor ever since, and yet I have bad credit despite never having a credit card because my mom never actually paid it. lmao. like you could have told me that months ago so I could have worked on NOT being $800 in debt. i didnt even want/need the doctor. she forced me to go for a bunch of stupid crap. ugh, i hate my life.
do you think my parents will still tell me "oh, you're just not mature enough yet" in twenty years time when i'm 30, still haven't had nor want a relationship, and i tell them for the millionth time that i'm an aromantic asexual?
work is getting so stressful for me. "that's life" and "that's work" is all I'm being told and like... I get it, I do, but I shouldn't have to be scared to go in to work because my boss might decide she doesn't like me that day for no good reason. because she does that. the other day she told my coworkes I don't have much common sense. like who does that? I have plenty. but my manager didn't train me. so there are a lot of stupid questions I ask, so I don't get in trouble for doing something wrong. it's an anxiety thing. and being called stupid is the one thing I just can't stand. because I can be stupid, we all can. but I'm not stupid in general, you know?
so, the guy I liked told me he broke up with his girlfriend. he was sending me innapropriate things, wanting to get with me. he blocked me. and went to my mom's work (which he knew my mom worked there, and that I was close with everyone there) WITH his longterm girlfriend who he lives with. all of that happened within like 24 hours. I have the worst luck with men.
ever since I got out of the abusive relationship I was in, I was pretty consistent about what all happened. the guy? his story changes depending on who asks him what happened. and I'm the one called a liar.
the guy i liked got mad that i was mad that he was ignoring me, so he blocked me on everything. but like, im pretty sure he never broke up with his gf, and he had three kids, one of which is just 4 years younger than me. and i think he was just trying to get in my pants. so i really shouldnt be upset. but i am. i should never have tried talking to him. i should have preserved my positive feelings for him.
"haha, sorry. I've been busy all day." what I wanna say: you weren't busy 2 hrs ago when you shared that thing on facebook but you've been too busy to send a text? right. okay. what I say: oh, haha sorry. didn't mean to annoy you.
yesterday was so horrible. like I walk in and get yelled at at work for literally no reason.. twice. then my one customer is my ex boyfriends dad. and it's not a quick in and out. its a "I want 4 packs of this and 4 packs of that.. and I want to cash in this lotto ticket for more lotto tickets but you gotta wait for me to pick them out." and as soon as he left, my crush that I've been trying to woo on snapchat walks in. and I was already too flustered to think of anything to say so I kinda rushed and it was all just BAD.
so, at my new job the rule is before your shift you have to count the drawer to make sure the previous person didn't screw up, and after your drawer count to make sure you didnt screw up for the next person. you are never supposed to run on anyone elses. however, since I have been training they made me run on just anyones. so pretty much I've been thrown on a drawer that was never counted from open til close and had more than me on it. the other night it was short $5. now my manager is demanding I pay that. like, there is zero proof it was me. she ran on it in the morning. every time I've worked her drawer it was short. when I haven't, it was not. but I have to pay it. I don't understand. she has a note saying you shouldn't let anyone run on your drawer because their shortages are yours. I was on her drawer so?
remember to always file your taxes, kids. because if you don't, you'll owe literally everything you were supposed to get back if you wait too long. I'm so livid right now. in 2013 I was supposed to get like $160 back but my mom held on to my w-2 because the "free" website was gonna charge me to file and I didn't have the money, and I ended up forgetting. and now I owe them $116. like it's so messed up.
It is 4am and I have to get up at 5am for work. I have yet to sleep. I am screwed. and I am working with people who didn't seem the friendliest. so, I am kinda scared about that to boot. working 8 hours on no sleep with people that seem mean. heaven help me.