“What’s your issue? Can’t fit?” I bit my tongue. I don’t want to give them any type of satisfaction. I carry on through the hallway, hiding the fact that I just want to give up. As long as I can play my role as “happy” nobody will suspect a thing. The final bell rings and I just want to avoid everyone until I reach my locker. But it seems that something else has found its way into my locker, and then into the back of my mind to play over and over again. This time, on a piece of notebook paper, the pink sharpie strikes again. “Just leave, nobody would care” I rip up the paper, in anger and disgust. But not disgust in how low somebody would be to write this, but in myself.

I walk home, watching my thighs jiggle with every step. I walked up my front porch steps, slamming the screen door behind me hard enough to break it. Before I could even make my way up the stairs, my brother catches me. “Ash, I'm leaving.” he says making his way out the door. Great, I'm alone. I lock myself in the bathroom. Repeating my same actions as the morning I look at my stomach. I’m ready to just throw up looking at myself. But then it hits me. Throw up. I repeat the words to myself over and over. Just do it.