I could feel the awkwardness between us as he sat down. I
haven't been this close to him for over year. I closed my
eyes to hide the fact that I was tearing up. My heart beat was
already racing before he even looked over at me. It was just for
a second but in that second I saw the old him, the one that would
call me up in the middle of the night to say he loved me. I miss
that so badly.
Finally, he turned to me. Truthfully,
he looked terrible. His eyes were red and his skin was gray. He
obviously hadn't been sleeping for days. His brown eyes were
fixed on my blue ones. I took a deep breath waiting for what he
would say.
"So, you and Chase..." He
said dryly. I was kind of disappointed- I mean I was expecting
something of substance, but this was better than nothing.
"Yeah," I replied as I
averted my eyes, suddenly feeling embarrassed. I twiddled my
fingers and stared at them.
"Cool, he's a nice
guy." He commented. I could tell there was something he
wasn't saying.
Finally, I just got tired of the
whole 'Avoid The Subject' bit. "Listen, about last
year, we were both in the wrong and we both made mistakes.
We're both bigger and more mature now. At least, I know I am.
We can't pretend nothing happened between us. I would like to
try again when you're ready."
After minutes, that felt like
hours, of silence, he spoke. "I would
really like that, but I have a girlfriend now..." I was
stricken, broken. I felt like all my wounds had reopened- and now
they were deeper and even more painful. He gave me a look of -
What was it? Sympathy? Pity? Hurt?- before he got up and left my
life once again, leaving me in a new void of depression.
