If you could see me
now
chapter
14
"I told you not to come,"
I said as he sat down beside me.
"You should be grateful," he told me. "What's
the matter?"
I sighed. "My Dad wrote to me."
He took a moment to understand why that was bad, but then he
realised what was wrong with that. "Oh."
"Yeah."
"So, are you going to write back?" he asked.
"Definitely not," I said. "He killed people. I
don't want anything to do with him."
"I guess I see where you're coming from," he
admitted. "Write back and tell him that."
"He told me to write back if I read the letter," I said
slowly.
"Tell him you did," he told me.
"No, I can't." I teared up.
"Put yourself in his shoes," he said.
"No thanks."
"Okay, well imagine you did that and Tara watched. Then
imagine she never wanted anything to do with you even though you
loved her very much. Just imagine it."
I did, and pulled a face.
"Isn't so nice, is it?" he said.
"No, but that's different. This is my reality, Conor,
and I don't think you understand it," I said, standing
up off the sofa.
"How would I?" he snapped. "You didn't do a
great job explaining it and I'm afraid to ask because you
always break down whenever I do." His voice was getting
louder. "It's part of your past, Jodie. You can't
change the past! You need to embrace it, it's made you
stronger."
"Has it?" I hissed. "I can't go a day without
breaking down. Do you think I ask for that? Do you think I asked
for any of this? Why would I do that? Huh? I hate every day in my
life because Evan isn't here. He was the only good think my
life had in years and now he's gone and so is Tara."
"What about me?"
I hesitated.
"Well?" he pushed.
"What about you?" I asked.
"Aren't I something good that has happened to
you?"
"Don't be so egotistical. You're just a
replacement for Evan!" I yelled. I regretted the words as
soon as I said them. The hurt in Conor's eyes was there, in
large amounts. His face went red and I thought he was about to
cry.
"I gave up Scarlet for you. She was my everything, I loved
her more than anyone else. I'll never get her back now, will
I? I gave you a job, I saved your life, and I've been there
for you. Nice to know that that's how you thank me," he
said, his voice low.
"Wait, I didn't mean it. You don't under-"
"I know, I don't understand. I get it," he snapped,
glaring at me. He got up and left.
As soon as I heard his car start and drive off, I burst into
tears. I picked up a glass vase from the bookshelf in the sitting
room and threw it on the ground. It smashed into little pieces. I
picked up one of the pieces and dragged it across my arm. Blood
oozed from the cut. I winced in pain.
I kept thinking that if Tara and Evan, or Mum, or even Dad could
see me now, they wouldn't be proud. Conor wouldn't be
proud either. I dropped the piece of glass in my hand and went to
the kitchen. I wrapped up the cut in a bandage. I was
light-headed.
"This time next year, you're all going to look down on
me and be proud," I promised, looking
upwards.
Author's Note:
It's been over two weeks since I last updated I am so
sorry!!! I broke my wrist and was finding it hard to type and I
have exams so I didn't have time. Forgive
me.
Feedback? Follow for a
follow. Thanks! ~Mary :)
