I do try.... And for days, seconds, weeks it is enough. But then people make a comment or 'joke' around and BAM I'm to back where I started; yelling at the wolrd, hurting MYSELF instead of others..... People often don't realize what affect they have on others, how  
m a l l e b l e  everything is. It hurts so so much to get up and and not break down , to look at people everyday who are smiling and enjoying life, while I am just standing alone here in the cold again. I just want to happy, content, peaceful, normal, you know? But I just can't seem to be enough I guess- I can't ever  be enough..... I am breaking inside I am screaming out and just nothing, no one here to help.


(Sorry Just wanted to rant)