With Time, We Fall
Chapter Thirty One

Troy


I still don't know what's going to happen with Addie and I.
I can't bare the thought of living without her. I can't even think about living with her though.
We're going to the park today to talk about it. I am terrified of what happens next.
"I'll be there in ten minutes" I told Addison when she called. She sounded nervous. Glad I wasn't the only one. 

We said hi, awkwardly to one another, we didn't know what was coming.
"I guess I'll start by saying that I love you, Troy... and I want what you want."
"It isn't that I just want you Addie, it's that I need you. But I can't be with you."
She shook her head, "How can you say something like that? We can be together and we will be."
"What if I screw up again" 
"We can work it out. It isn't your fault Troy." Addie was right. 
"I don't, I don't want to think like this-" I started to say
"Then don't!" 
"I have to." I held her hands in mine. "What if things get serious, really serious. More than they are now, and we split up because of college or for whatever reason. I can't get any closer to you then I am now because I wouldn't be able to live with myself after that"

"So you're going to live your whole life alone? That's no way to live. You can't avoid any good thing that comes your way! Just make sure there is enough good in your life to balance out the bad. And don't be scared of tomorrow. Because we have today." I could tell Addie was getting upset. 

"I thought you said you wanted what I wanted." 
We looked into each others eyes for a moment 
"This isn't what you want"
She was right again

"You don't know what I want..." 

                   "Yes I do Troy! It's me. I know you want me because you told me. You want to have a good life, where you don't have to worry about being sad again but why ruin a good thing? Sure we don't know how long we will last, maybe another month, maybe the rest of our insane lives but why not be happy right now? Troy Porter I love you. And I could never just forget about you... You said I changed your life, you changed my life too. If we broke up, you wouldn't be the only one who would be having a tough time. Troy I need you, like you need me. So let's stay together okay? Lets keep staying together because it's what I want, and I'm sure its what you want too."
I kissed her gently on the lips, 
"Addie that's not what I want."

And we went our seperate ways.
 

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Authors note:
Comments/questions/feedback would be prime :) 
Thanks loves <3
-Erin