I'm depressed. I smoke weed, it helps me be happy. For once, you just don't understandd. I can't trust you. I can't trustt anyone, because everytime I do, they let me down. You don't think it bothers me that even after 16 years, my own father doesn't call me ever. Not even on my birthday? Yeah, it hurts. You don't think it bothers me that I can'tt be around my mom for longer then 24 hours without her freaking out? It does. Every night before I go to bed I pray that I won't wake up, I pray that my mom will put down the bottle, I pray my dad calls me, I pray my brother doesn't feel the same way I do... It's everything I keep bottled up that you would never understand. I've felt this waay for about a year now, I'm not good at expressing my feelings. You know that, & if I told anyone how I felt what would it even matter? You can't make the pain go away? That smile you see on my face everyday, its a lie. Not everything is as it seams.