If I ever saw one of my celebrity crushes in real life, I
wouldn't approach them. Instead I would pay a homeless man
twenty bucks to punch me in the face in front of them. Because
based on all of the fanfiction I have read, they would rush to my
aid and then invite me back to their apartment to get an ice pack
and then I say something cute and witty that makes them want to
kiss me and then we fall in love and get married.
