UNDENIABLY DEFENCElESS
a novel by ThePeppermintEyeshadowSeries
22

"You can't love me, Logan. It's me."
My heart stopped. What the hell was he saying?
"Who are you to tell me if I love you or not?!" I shouted.
 

"Nope, just the one." Derek said quietly.
I raised my eyebrows, trying to figure out if he was lying or not, searching his face for any signs of humour or guilt, but his face was completely serious, his eyes gazing intently back at mine.
Derek had that look in his eyes again: like he was holding a possesion with so much love that he was scared to death of losing it or breaking it into tiny pieces.
"But what about all those, you know...hook ups?" I asked nervously.
"Logan, I'm not exactly saying I haven't screwed around with chicks before- but when I get in a serious relationship, it's because...I, well, love the girl." Derek explained, an obvious lump in his throat.
I chewed on a strand of my hair thoughtfully, before I tilted his chin, looking up into Derek's deep, chocolatey-brown eyes.
"Derek...I-I love you." I whispered, my voice rusty.

***

Derek's P.O.V.
"I-I love you." Logan whispered, brushing an annoying lock out of my eyes.
I stared at her lips, and then her body, wanting to hug her and hold her so f*cking badly.
I swallowed, nearly cracking in to her soft, sincere gaze.
But I shook my head, knowing what I had to do.
I couldn't risk hurting anyone again.
Logan could hate me forever, and find a new boyfriend- one who wasn't going to give her so much paint.
My hands itched for a cigarette, but then I remembered I had thrown them all out, as my promise to Logan, sighing annoyingly as I bit my bottom lip.
Sitting bolt upright, I turned away from Logan. "
"I-I think you should go now, Logan." I suggested coldly.
I could see the shocked expression on her face, although I had my back turned to her.
God, I just wanted to hug her and breath in her warm, sweet scent.
The tears would well up any second now.
I knew Logan used that tough attitude as a cover-up sometimes, pretending she didn't give one sh*t about what anyone thought of or did to her, but inside she was probably hurting like hell, scared and worried.
I wanted to be the one to hold her comfort her and whisper in her ears- but I'd probably just deleted my last fricking chances.
This was like the Demi incident all over again, except this time I wasn't going to let her die.
God, Derek, when did you become such a mushy gay idiot? I thought. What I would do for a damn cigarette right now.
"W-What?" Logan said, her voice quivering: full of shock, pain and confusion.
"Logan, maybe we're just not ready- Maybe-Maybe we need to rethink things." I told her, still turning my back to her. I struggled to keep the calm in my tone as I clenched my fists tightly.
Control yourself, I thought. I really need a cigarette.
"When did you become such a f*cking jerk, Derek? Are you saying you want to break up?!" Logan snapped. "Face me, you idiot!"