One day, I went ice skating with my friends and came across a georgous male. It was the first time I had actually talked to someone I didn't know. I had no idea what I was in for.
Ben. He came up to
me and my friend Tonya. At first I thought he was trying to get
her number because I wasnt the pretty one of us. She was more of
his "type." Instead, he came over to me and smiled. I
will never forget how big the grin on my face was. He was
just, perfect. Long brown hair. Deep brown eyes that would look
at somethings beauty and not its flaws. Tall. He was my dream
boy, basically. He looked at me with such care, and asked me
to skate with him. So, of course, I did. He grabed my hand.
His fingers perfectly intertwined with mine. After that
night, we had nonstop texting and late night phone
calls. Theres so much I could say about him. He
was the first thing that had made me want to change my lifefor
the better, which was a complete different story. Words
couldn't explain my feelings for him. I had dated him once
before, but I had no idea why I broke up with him. When he was
gone, I was the sadest thing that had ever lived. Him and I
started talking again. I was so happy he had finally decided to
give me another chance. We dated for a wile and when my ex
boyfriend, Tony came along and things changed. Unknowing,
Tony had came over on a snowy day and I happened to be home. My
mom made me let him in because, yaknow, it was snowing. I let him
and went up stairs to finish my homework. He followed. He pushed
me on my bed and forced my shirt and pants off. I
was terrified. I tried to, with such
force, push him off. He was stronger. He, struggling to work his
pants off, still pined my shoulders to the bed. I finally gained
enough strength to push him off and make my way down stairs just
in time. I found other clothes to put on. The thoughts inside my
head were endless. I climbed my way back upstairs and draged him
down and out the door. Tony was dating my bestfriend Gina. I told
Gina the whole story. She broke with him. He was angry so he told
Ben, my boyfriend, a lie, before I got the chance to tell him the
story, truth. Ben broke up with me even though I had told him the
complete bloody truth. I couldn't even finish the
breakup message. Before I knew it, I was dropped to my knees
sopping with my own tears. I was so sure that my heart was broken
into many peices that could never be placed back together by
anyone else. He was my world. Perfect. He understood eveything I
ever told him. Every thing I've ever wrote about love was
about him. To this day, not a second passes through my mind where
I don't think about him. It hurts to see him when I do,
becasue I know I'm not going through his mind because he
seems so happy without me. He can't seem to realize the love
I have for him. When I'm around him, everything is so
perfect. I want him to just lean in and put his arms around me,
forever and just slowly lean in, and swipe me off my feet for a
silent dance. Then for a walk outside. Then suddenly, it starts
to rain and he kisses me so passionatly and slowly. Just, words
can't explain how I feel about him. Now two years later, when
I see him, all the memorys come flooding back. I still hurt, but
I know I must move on. I feel guilty when I talk to another guy
becasue I havent got my heart back yet. I honestly feel that I
have to move away to get over him, and move on. I don't know
how to deal with this. He talks to me for a month, then stops for
six months, then a month he does and six months he doesnt. He
tells me he misses me, but honestly if he really missed me he
would have called. I never forgave Tony. I never will. I live
every day with the regret of opening that door. All the problems
I've ever had, disapeared when I was with Ben. Now, with Ben
gone, all my life is are problems. I'm just becoming even
more depressed every day that passes without
him acknowledging my existance. I suppose
I'm just thankful for the moments I've spent with him,
rather than the regret of meeting him.
Three years later, just as this heartbreak healed, another guy
walked into my life with no hesitation. He, just as flawless as
Ben, was all I had ever wanted, even better. Short, slim, light
brown hair, glasses, hazel eyes that never had only one sparkle,
tall, but not as tall as Ben was; Jordan. He had made all the
memories of Ben dissapear. It was the first time I havent thought
of Ben in years. Jordan would hold me as I slept gently in his
arms. He wasn't ashamed to be with me. I was happy again. I
thought that this was going to last for as long as I could think.
Silly me. He suddenly stopped talking to me for a couple days.
Since his family member had recently passed away, I thought he
just needed some space. That was not the case. I went bowling
with a few of my friends, and he had showed up. He didn't say
one word to me. I didn't know what I had done. The following
night, he texted me, with a break up message saying,
"I'm sorry Paige, It's over. I know this didn't
last as long as I would have wished, but I found someone
who makes me smile, and who I can see everyday at school, and who
my mom actually likes. Someone who is actually here for me."
Nothing but questions and questions ran through my head, hoping
that they would get tired soon, and stop. Questions such as,
"I haven't even met his mom yet, so why would she not
like me?" "How am I not here for you?"
and thoughts like, "You can see me everyday,
but whenever I ask you, you always say
you can't." I don't understand how he
could ever leave me like that. So suddenly. It had only been two
months, that we have dated, and I was even deeper in love with
Jordan than I ever was with Ben. Now how long is it going to take
to get over Jordan? I can only wonder what the future holds for
me.
0 faves · Nov 6, 2012 6:07pm