One day, I went ice skating with my friends and came across a georgous male. It was the first time I had actually talked to someone I didn't know. I had no idea what I was in for.
Ben. He came up to me and my friend Tonya. At first I thought he was trying to get her number because I wasnt the pretty one of us. She was more of his "type." Instead, he came over to me and smiled. I will never forget how big the grin on my face was. He was just, perfect. Long brown hair. Deep brown eyes that would look at somethings beauty and not its flaws. Tall. He was my dream boy, basically. He looked at me with such care, and asked me to skate with him. So, of course, I did. He grabed my hand. His fingers perfectly intertwined with mine. After that night, we had nonstop texting and late night phone calls. Theres so much I could say about him. He was the first thing that had made me want to change my lifefor the better, which was a complete different story. Words couldn't explain my feelings for him. I had dated him once before, but I had no idea why I broke up with him. When he was gone, I was the sadest thing that had ever lived. Him and I started talking again. I was so happy he had finally decided to give me another chance. We dated for a wile and when my ex boyfriend, Tony came along and things changed. Unknowing, Tony had came over on a snowy day and I happened to be home. My mom made me let him in because, yaknow, it was snowing. I let him and went up stairs to finish my homework. He followed. He pushed me on my bed and forced my shirt and pants off. I was terrified. I tried to, with such force, push him off. He was stronger. He, struggling to work his pants off, still pined my shoulders to the bed. I finally gained enough strength to push him off and make my way down stairs just in time. I found other clothes to put on. The thoughts inside my head were endless. I climbed my way back upstairs and draged him down and out the door. Tony was dating my bestfriend Gina. I told Gina the whole story. She broke with him. He was angry so he told Ben, my boyfriend, a lie, before I got the chance to tell him the story, truth. Ben broke up with me even though I had told him the complete bloody truth. I couldn't even finish the breakup message. Before I knew it, I was dropped to my knees sopping with my own tears. I was so sure that my heart was broken into many peices that could never be placed back together by anyone else. He was my world. Perfect. He understood eveything I ever told him. Every thing I've ever wrote about love was about him. To this day, not a second passes through my mind where I don't think about him. It hurts to see him when I do, becasue I know I'm not going through his mind because he seems so happy without me. He can't seem to realize the love I have for him. When I'm around him, everything is so perfect. I want him to just lean in and put his arms around me, forever and just slowly lean in, and swipe me off my feet for a silent dance. Then for a walk outside. Then suddenly, it starts to rain and he kisses me so passionatly and slowly. Just, words can't explain how I feel about him. Now two years later, when I see him, all the memorys come flooding back. I still hurt, but I know I must move on. I feel guilty when I talk to another guy becasue I havent got my heart back yet. I honestly feel that I have to move away to get over him, and move on. I don't know how to deal with this. He talks to me for a month, then stops for six months, then a month he does and six months he doesnt. He tells me he misses me, but honestly if he really missed me he would have called. I never forgave Tony. I never will. I live every day with the regret of opening that door. All the problems I've ever had, disapeared when I was with Ben. Now, with Ben gone, all my life is are problems. I'm just becoming even more depressed every day that passes without him acknowledging my existance. I suppose I'm just thankful for the moments I've spent with him, rather than the regret of meeting him.
Three years later, just as this heartbreak healed, another guy walked into my life with no hesitation. He, just as flawless as Ben, was all I had ever wanted, even better. Short, slim, light brown hair, glasses, hazel eyes that never had only one sparkle, tall, but not as tall as Ben was; Jordan. He had made all the memories of Ben dissapear. It was the first time I havent thought of Ben in years. Jordan would hold me as I slept gently in his arms. He wasn't ashamed to be with me. I was happy again. I thought that this was going to last for as long as I could think. Silly me. He suddenly stopped talking to me for a couple days. Since his family member had recently passed away, I thought he just needed some space. That was not the case. I went bowling with a few of my friends, and he had showed up. He didn't say one word to me. I didn't know what I had done. The following night, he texted me, with a break up message saying, "I'm sorry Paige, It's over. I know this didn't last as long as I would have wished, but I found someone who makes me smile, and who I can see everyday at school, and who my mom actually likes. Someone who is actually here for me." Nothing but questions and questions ran through my head, hoping that they would get tired soon, and stop. Questions such as, "I haven't even met his mom yet, so why would she not like me?" "How am I not here for you?" and thoughts like, "You can see me everyday, but whenever I ask you, you always say you can't." I don't understand how he could ever leave me like that. So suddenly. It had only been two months, that we have dated, and I was even deeper in love with Jordan than I ever was with Ben. Now how long is it going to take to get over Jordan? I can only wonder what the future holds for me.
PaigeChontos