Dear You,

I hate when people are right about things I don’t want them to be right about. I hate when I have to write things I never wanted to write about. I have to, though. You see…writing it all down is the only way things make sense to me; the only way I can come to terms with truths I never wanted to face.

No one will ever love you as much as I do. Unfortunately, that love makes me stingy - selfish. If I can’t have you when I want, I fear my mindset resembles that of a five year old brat in a supermarket crying and banging my head against the floor until blood comes out of my ears and my mother finally concedes and buys me the candy I wanted so badly. But…that makes me feel clingy. If I had it my way, you’d never leave my side but…then you’d get tired of me. I know you would because I get tired of myself. The everyday blase experience of my presence would bore you right out the door. So unconsciously I put distance between you and I when we are together. I mean after all, the last thing I want to be is….clingy. I don’t want to follow you around like a lost puppy. I don’t want to be clingy. I don’t want to wait up for you or go out of my way to be next to you even though…I do. Even though I know I must bore you, even though I am, I don’t want to be clingy because there’s always the constant fear that you are going to leave me…again.

So much love,

Me