This morning, I woke up to my parents yelling at me. Why? Because I didn't want to go to cross country. They were saying that if I didn't go, they'd take away my phone for the weekend. So? I have textfree on my iPod and they don't know that so I'm okay as long as I have wifi. Then they started saying they'd take it away for the entire summer. Okay so if I don't go running one day, you guys are going to cut off all communications with friends and family? Do you realize that 9 out of 10 times I have to CALL my brother to get him up so he can pick me up from running? Apparently not. You apparently also do not realize that my friends are really the only thing keeping me sane. So if you were to take my phone away for the entire and I end up sitting in a finer slamming my head continuously against a wall, it's YOUR fault.
Anyways, they don't realize how much I f//king hate running. I'm not built like a runner, I don't have the personality of one, I don't have the drive like one, and unlike a majority of girls on my cross country team, I don't care enough. And since I am not built like a runner, or have the stamina of one, and I get lightheaded and experience vertigo easily, today while running in the woods, my vision started getting spotty and I felt like I was going to get sick and everything seemed to be spinning and I started getting a headache and I started falling over. The main coach who was running one or two people in front of my noticed, but didn't say anything. No one did. Even when, once I finished the course, I walked a few steps away from end of the trail, and literally almost collapsed. Anyone say anything? No. Anyone notice? About half the team.
Oh, and this morning after my parents stopped yelling at me and my dad left, I started bawling my eyes out. What does my mom say? "Katie, you have five minutes to get ready."
I'm sitting here crying, there is obviously something wrong, and you f//king ignore it? Yeah, because that totally makes perfect sense.
And while I was sitting there, crying, I thought about it. And I seriously considered it. I seriously considered killing myself. My parents don't understand how much I f//king hate this and even when I bawling in front of them they ignore it. Why even bother?