i stood there...
i have been standing strong for nearly a week
i never knew how tough it would be to have a boyfriend
how hard it would be to stand tall
to not cry
to have to smile when im about to burst into tears
to put up with my mum cutting into me
as well as a depressed boyfriend that i cant say anything bad or he will get misserable
i cant ever dump him
like i ilove him and i dont want to
but what if i did?
i wouldnt anyway
even if i only liked him as a friend
i would still act like i loved him
because he said he wouldnt last a week without me
he would die without me
tbh i know he would
he doesnt mean to tell me
he says it in affection
but tbh im scared
i cant even stand myself tall
and yet im trying to hold him up as well
i have no time for myself
he is always on my mind
im always worried about
im breaking
more than ever
but i have started masking people again
but this time i am masking myself until i get home into bed
then no one will know
no one can tell
i wish i could kill myself


nmf