I hate being the “big” one in the group. I hate sticking out like a sore thumb in pictures. I hate that I can’t share clothes. I hate that guys take them over me because of the way I look. I hate that no matter what I do my love handles won’t go away.  I hate how I have no motivation to lose weight. I hate how no one will help me get motivated. I hate being the one everyone turns to. I hate that I hate the previous statement(I feel I need to be there for people). I hate people for getting my hopes up when they are just going to tear them down. I hate how sensitive I am. I hate how I care too much about what others think. I hate how my best friends left me. I hate making new friends. I hate being out of my comfort zone. I hate how I ruined one of the best relationships I had with a guy at school. I hate how I am so over-reactive. I hate how I care about others so much. I hate that I make it so easy to get hurt. I hate that I can’t tell anybody how I truly feel because I hate opening up. I hate how I love to eat. I hate that I live with two guys and no girls. I hate that I am so masculine. I hate that I sweat a lot. I hate how music is the only thing that can keep me sane. 

Why can’t I be skinny? Why can’t I just have the confidence I so desperately need? Why does it seem that no one cares? Why? Why? Why do I feel like ripping my hair out? Why can’t I shake these feelings?

How can anyone expect me to accept my body for being different when all we see nowadays is that thin is beautiful?