The funeral was in the next five days and i could barley talk to anyone. I spoke maybe a sentence these last days. I couldnt help but think god was punishing me for acting the way i did. This opened my eyes. My grandpa said 'hed be watching me from heaven,' and i was going to make him proud.
"Hi darling" I was sitting down around the casket when my dad came and sat next to me. I nodded my head.
"Hes with your mom now, in a better place."
Yeah he was with my mom, but she could have easily been here.
"Dont be telling me that shes with grandpa, she didnt have a choice of dieing you killed her yourself." I couldnt belive the words that came out of my mouth, i walked away before i could see any of his face expressions or hear his response. I went to the bathroom, into a stall.
"I cant handle this anymore."i whispered and then dug around in my purse not being able to see through the tears, i felt around for my pocket knife. I took it out opened it and stuck it right up to my throat.
I was a hypocrite, i looked down to those who tried killing themselves, but i finally knew how they felt, weak, miserable, vulnerable. I kept losing people in my life. 
When i was about to pull back i hear footsteps and my stall slams open.
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING!" It was Conner, what was he doing in here? I looked right up into those blue eyes, dropped the knife "im sorry." i busted into more tears, he kneeled down and cradled me.
"I seen you run into the mens bathroom and was confused on what you were doing." I didnt even realize what bathroom i was in i just wanted to kill myself and get it done with. "Taking your life isnt something you should do like a time as this, your grandma needs you. I need you.."
I stopped sobbing and completely watering Conners shirt. I wipeed my nose with my shirt, "You need me?"
"Yeah i do." He looked away when he said this. "My moms, shes a drug addict and my dad left her when he found out when she was pregnant. Seeing you lose your mom and now your grandpa and not having a good relationship with your dad i kinda look up to you, i dont really have anyone and neither do you but you seem so strong by yourself..."
I couldnt belive what i heard. Im actually helping someone in there life?
"Im glad you told me that, and thanks for stopping me." I wrapped my arms around him and held him for the longest time.
"We should get going, people are gonna wonder where we are." He un wrapped his arms off me and helped me up. I walked out of the bathroom with him behind me not letting go of his hand. I spotted my grandma, in a chair infront of the casket, head down. I looked at Conner and let go of his hand and sat next to my grandma.
"Hey grandma." I put my hand on her leg, hopeing to ease the tension.
She looked at me with blood shot eyes, "I already miss him. I miss his laugh i miss his smile, he was the only man never to let me down. I didnt realize how much i really did love him." She paused before she continued then looked down again, "I cant stand being away from him, he was the love of my life." I could barley hear the last words she spoke. I pulled her face up to look at me.
"Look i love you more than i could tell you, you have me and WE will get through this." Her eyes filled with tears.
"Yes, yes i have you." She reached her arms around my back.
We will get through this, because now...i have two guradian angels watching over me.