Quotes

1. A woman once said that a man is like a deck of cards. You need:
A heart to love him,
A diamond to marry him,
A club to smash his f**king head in, and
A spade to bury the b*st*rd.
2. Friendship is like peeing on yourself, everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth.
3. Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring. So I go back to being me.
4. Caution: Men at Work. Women work all the time but men have to put up signs when they do.
5. The two most common elements in the world ar hydrogen and stupidity, but not in that order.
6. The sh*t you hear about me might be true, but it also might be as fake as the b*tch who told you.
7. When I was 5 years old, my mom told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down "Happy". They told me I didn't understand the assignment. I told them they didn't understand life.
8. To love is nothing... To be loved is something... To love and be loved is everything.
9. What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
10. I dream of a better world, where chickens can cross roads without their motives being questioned.
11. Husbands and wives are like scissors, joint together. Often moving in opposite directions, but punishing anyone who would come between them.
12. Flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing.
13. Warning: Private property. Keep out unless you have really big boobs.
14. If you can't explain it simply, then you don't understand it well enough.
15. Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.