September 5th 2007~ September 5th 2011.
September 5th
2007~December 14th 2009-
This was the start of the year when I was thinking of being
Suicidal
I had negative thought half the time and I couldn't pay
attention in school. I was bullied and I felt no one would care
if I was gone. So I texted my friend on how I was planning to
kill myself. What she wrote:
"Don't do it your beautiful."
I told her no matter what I am going to do it. She didn't
stop me from my decisions. So I left my phone at home. As I came
home my mum seemed fine but as my dad came home from work they
called me to have a talk. They saw the text messages, they talked
me out. But for some reason it was still in the back of my
mind.
February 2nd 2009~May 27th 2011 -
Some new guys had come on the bus and one of them was a year
older than me, he started to get to know me. I thought he would
be a nice friend. But instead he bullied me and got others to. It
was depressing to come home everyday and lie to your own mum that
I was strong and saying I'm fine. And the worst part they
believed it.
This is when the thoughts in my mind came back. The worst part
was I can fake a smile so good people believed me, I thought it
would be a good year but I guess it wasn't. I wanted to just
leave. No excuses.
But I told a close friend and she was there with me every step of
the way. But everyone had figured it out. Some people were like
"She'll be fine" Some were "That's stupid
ain't it?" I didn't care. When I came home that day
my mum looked like she was in tears. She just didn't want to
talk to me. But as I had another talk with my parents for a 2nd
time, someone had called my mum about the fact I was suicidal
again.
They weren't happy. I told them I stopped for good. But I
think I just lied to myself.
October September 16th 2010-
Later on I was hanging with a friend of mine, she was suicidal,
and she was cutting. I used to come home sometimes from school
just from my mum shouting. And I used to cry myself to sleep. I
never thought of cutting but I reached for my scissors and gently
but firmly scraped it on my skin it went bright red.
Later on I had around 30 cuts in a day on my arms, my friends
would ask what happened I just said "A cat did it" But
I never did own pets. Only my friend knew, we made a deal to see
if she can change my mind on January 10th.
There was an important assembly going on. And we were needed but
I couldn't go. I had piano. I finished a bit early and I went
inside the hall to see a thousand eyes staring at me. They just
finished what they were talking as we got up my friend had just
told me they were talking about suicide I flinched. My teacher
wanted to talk to me, she asked me if there was anything wrong. I
told her nothing.
January 8th 2011-
I have been cutting for 4 months now. And yet no one figured it
out only two people knew about it. It was two more days until she
can change my mind. She walked up to me and said these words
"I understand you decision and all, but please lets just
celebrate your birthday and you can change your mind
then?"
I only agreed with her because I want to spend more time with
her.
April 11th~June 29th-
It was my birthday, and I enjoyed it.
But I decided I'm done. I was being bullied everyday. People
treated me like sh*t. I couldn't handle it anymore. I
was taking my mums diabetes pills. I could die of blood pressure.
I was trying to take sleeping pills but...
Later on one of my friends had found out and made her parents
call my dad. They were mad. Then my mum was crying. Then I
realized why everything was bad because I was being negative but
sadly enough. It went around the whole school and people would be
like
"So Monique how was overdosing yourself?"
"Emo b*tch"
"Attention-seeker"
I would cry at this. But the guys on my bus would send me text
messages and wanted to be drop last so they can ridicule me. I
would just cry. And I just calmed myself.
September 5th 2011-
I stood up to the hurtful comments and...
Smiled
People stopped. I was beginning to have friends.
What's the lesson to this?
No matter what happens even for the worse always remember if you
do something who will it hurt in the process? It would be you
so...
"Smile
you are
Beautiful, and everyone is here to
help"
Nmf *truestory*
