If one person reads this, all of
it... I will be the happiest person.
A game with no rules.
I am in a long maze with no exit’s except for that
one at the very end. It seems like whenever I think I always find
the way out, I am wrong.. I have those days where I think I am
starting to finally get my life to head in the right direction,
that I almost there, so close to that open door, I can smell the
flowers, hear the birds chirping, and see the sun shinning, but
wait, I blink, only for a second, and everything I have felt in
the past few minutes, hours, days, weeks, whatever it might be,
was just a dream giving me false hope. My heart starts to ache,
and my head starts spinning…
I start to go backwards. My head is telling me that I can’t
do it… but my heart knows I can. Somewhere in this mess, I
need to find strength, but how? How do I open up and finally
become the woman that I want to be. How do I motivate myself to
make changes that will make me happy. I search and search for the
answers, which are no where to be found. One minute I think I got
it, then next I realize I don’t. It’s a dirty game,
that I am so tired of playing. I hate fighting in a game I just
can’t win. Here I am trying to convince myself that I can
do this, I am not alone… just push yourself and you can
achieve whatever you put your mind too. Then I think of how
someone once told me, never give up, look inside of yourself, you
will find the answer, but what if there is no answer, what if it
was common sense, something that I seemed to be lacking. Maybe
the only way to get out is to think outside of the box, to look
beyond the horizon… maybe just maybe the only way to get
out of this alive is to be one step ahead the whole entire
way… Nothing made sense to me though. Every time I thought
I figured it out, I was wrong. I wonder sometimes, just because
people say this will all be over soon, is that really true? What
if this is something I am going to be stuck in forever. Do I give
up, or keep on trying.
No one said this was going to be easy, it sure
as hell didn’t come with a rule book. It’s all up to
you… You make the rules,and you have the ability to make
it through. No one can make you do anything that you don’t
want to, they can only help you along the way. If I have learned
anything along the way, it’s that not only does your heart
have to be in it, YOU do… So I will keep on fighting, and
I will keep on trying. I know one day I will get where I want to
be, right there at the very end saying “I DID IT” but
for now, I will just put all of the pieces together, and figure
this thing out.
4 faves · 2 comments · Sep 29, 2011 11:43pm
WritingAway
·
1 decade ago
you are amazing. The details, and everything blew me away.
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reply
readmelikeabook · 1 decade ago
this is so great
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